Rollercoaster

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Adrian Z. Rios

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I don't think I can call it seasonal anymore
Yet I notice it seems to hurt more when the leaves have hit the ground
Is it the weather
Is it the deadness
Is it that the madness feeds off all of the dreadness
That's not even a word
Whatever
Like clockwork, it never fails to come by
Like a visiting relative that I don't like
It's like some fucked up tradition I live with inside
It comes to me like clockwork to interfere with my life
I'm on this rollercoaster all the time
Twists and turns, it goes and goes through the day and night
The rollercoaster in my head, it goes round and round
Up and down and around and around again
Up and down and around and around again
Up and down and around and around again
Aren't I supposed to be saying life is "so swell"
That's how it is in commercials, but I'm saying "what the hell?"
Fall is when shows and movies tell to live and find your inner self
Well
That's not working for me right now
I'm typically tornadoes, thunder and lightning out
Autumn storms place higher on the ranking scale
It's never easier to make me frown
On default I'm on edge,
I'm sad and such a grouch.
But with all this, can you blame me
I can't to myself
Life is hard year round
It seems to hurt more when the leaves have hit the ground
A new breaking point comes often and it all comes out
And this time of year is the time of year it crescendo's around
It's happening like right now
I'm on this rollercoaster all the time
Twists and turns, it goes and goes, through the day and night
The rollercoaster in my head, it goes round and round
Up and down and around and around again
Up and down and around and around again
Up and down and around and around again
It gets me thinking that it's changing course
To somewhere that's more my form
Then something or someone comes along
And fucks it up again
Of course
I get so worked up on this thing, I just gotta scream
I can't hold on to what I think
These screams, they sound like happiness
But there's fear and sadness in them
Me? I just hide it well
I ask myself
How long will the scary part go on
How long till the thrill ride goes soft
Is this thing even safe to be on
Is there something wrong
Does it need to be worked on
This was supposed to be fun but it's dragging on
Overstimulated, overwhelmed
A stack of things that are freaking me out
How long till it's me who's the one that breaks down
Why must it be this up and down
There's no smooth fall
It's not up for long
More twists and turns than a leveled road
Thankfully there's some ups, but I can't coast on those
Currently there's only room for the downs that roam my mind
I can try to make myself feel alright
But it won't fly
I'm not like a toy that I can wind
The carnival never travels
It's always in town
And there I go with it
Up and down and around
And around again
Up and down and around and around again
How is this one of my favorite times of year

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