Daughter

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Sam LaRoche

6:20

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To my daughter
For all the things I should teach
It will be to count
Spoonful
VS cups
VS teaspoons
The difference in tape measure stretched
And secured around waist
Versus the Rigidness of a ruler
And that which she will be expected to bend to
Teach her that she is
Different than her brother
He will never be sized up before leaving the house that way she will be
His freedom unabashed
Sings sweet like cicadas and opportunity
Chest front and bare
His exposure applauded
And Hers covered
How she may count their differences at night
As she lay in bed with the dreams she has been assigned to
She should know
The measurement of a woman is to her breast size
Is to her waist to hip ratio
The length of time in which she speaks and the amount of attention she attracts
Teach her
Count days
Count how many days of bleeding
The days thereafter
The days between your bleeding and ovulating
The amount of children she can conceive, bare and keep will always be hers
And hers alone
But not always her decision
If her body doesn't hold that baby I tell her keep that to yourself
Bleed your baby in silence
Piece by piece by day by week
Until she is empty
Tell no one
For if she does, they will ask how far along?
Determining the length of time
She can mourn from conception to mis to failure to broken
And she will count, days between tears and the days none were shed...
Teach her arithmetic
Count people
Late night in subway trains as they pull into the station
Remember license plates of the cars
Remember phone numbers and streets and patterns
Tell everyone where you're going at all times
Because the world was never meant to be safe for girls
So you must be accountable for yourself in the way the boys will never be held to
Remember where you are
Compass the North Star back home
Stay as safe as you can
But even then that isn't enough
Count drinks
1, 2... keep the drink in your hand at the bar
At the party
At the friends house
At The boys house
At the boyfriends house
Teach her to count steps in ladders
Like caged birds perched by a windowsill
Do not mistaken that glass ceiling for open skies
Teach her not to reach or hold her hand out
But instead punch and grab, claw and tear
Get dirt under your fingernails
Bring down the heavens
When you are told to stop at the 5th floor
Maybe I teach her all the ways
She shouldn't be like myself
Teach her not to count
Herself backwards
That scales are for
Libras and Egyptian Gods
That society has been incapable of loving daughters
The way that the moon loves the sun, they won't let them shine
But you darling stretch your arms and glisten
Like dusk on the bank of the river
As the mourning doves sing to the onset of evening
I will tell her
Never count yourself in teaspoons
Or pinches
Or dashes
But in mouthfuls
Count yourself in decibels
Never measure yourself against other girls
But earthquakes
And the distance from who you were to who you are now
Daughter
Unfold yourself from the corner
From the knees
Take up space
Take up oxygen
Occupy the room in your silence
And all that you have to say
Compete with condensation
Leave residue like Chapstick staining
The mouth of a cigar or microphone
Exhale into the ocean
Or swallow it if it pleases you
Count stars 1 to 1 billion and place yourself next to the moon
Count until it drifts you off to sleep and wakes in your dreams
I will Teach her to break bricks with fists
And bullies with words
Stringing together syllables like a sailors knot
Tongue tying ambitions against her
Daughter you have dawned on a new era
You have bottled potential rattling in the linage of your bones
For all those before you that were kept at bay
And forced to watch the ocean tide swell in and out by the shore
Instead of becoming a ripple and wave
You my love can be ocean as you want
Be mountain and horizon
Save yourself from the tower, walk through the fire
Tame the dragon
Do not count minutes of your life away
Waiting on somebody's else clock
To give you permission
Deliver yourself before anyone else does
This world was never meant to be safe for girls so I will hand up sword and shield
I will cover you for as long as I can but one day I will not be here
Daughter, I will teach you to love yourself
And to count ways that you are thankful for all that is you
Count ways in which your are fed
In prayer
In meditation
In laughter and kindness
Hum with every bite
Thanks your body for holding you up
Thank hips
Thank waist
Thank ugly pinky toe
Curves and not curves
Stretch marks and scars
All the beauty earned from living
Dry skin and all that hair inherited that will dull many a razor blades
And all that is right which at times may feel wrong
Look in the mirror
Count ways in which you are thankful
For body
For strength
For vocal chords
Be loud
Be thunder
Be rain cloud or rainbow
Be tree blossoming from my roots
Daughter I will always hold you up
You are beauty and beautiful And I thank my body for being the vessel
That harbored you
Now I let you set sail
Daughter, I will teach you to count ways that you are thankful for your body
For breath and all that is you
And if I should ever find you starring
Into your reflection looking astray
I will come in, stand and count with you

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