Be a Man

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Holizna

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I woke up in a cell by myself
Not knowing how I got there all foggy as hell
A judge read my charges from a little tube TV
They were pretty serious but I was good to go free
A guard told me to keep my nose clean
Once I saw a magistrate they'd all become summaries
I walked home in the ninety degree summer heat
With a dead phone and a player for mp3s
Put on Tallahassee by tMG
With See America Right up on repeat
Felt like everything in life was catching up to me
And I would catch the hands of God before I hit Dewalt st
Flinching like I'm 10 and dad's in a bad mood
Bobbing and weaving trying not to have an attitude
Was only trying to be a man like I was taught to do
In fact my old man had once been arrested too
He fought six cops, his dad fought ten
My brother fought four cops and they were all men
And coming up I thought I'd be like them
So here I am passing the bridge on 10th
Just hacking up my stomach's contents
Feeling attacked by shit in my subconscious
And little voices in my head are making comments
The same shit that I heard so often
Be a man
The next stop that I made was for smokes
I still had bronchitis and a scratchy ass throat
But without vices my life was just a joke
I spent half of every check getting stoned
My next stop was my best friends home
He wasn't there but his mom was talking on the phone
She put it down when I came through the door
She said it's a small town and I heard about the night before
I was a good kid who needed new friends
Then she made me breakfast and let me vent
My next stop was only just around the block
To see the girl I got taken by the cops
Her mom was on the porch and didn't want me around
It's about that time I started breaking down
I started crying just asking of she was okay
She said a DUI would hurt her ride to Duquesne
Her dad was a professor and her mom was a shrink
Broke it down on mental illness and its effects when you drink
She promised that she didn't really blame me
But it's crazy the way that we'd been acting lately
Used to be cool kids, a good kind of wild
The way we all loved to play music made her smile
Said she didn't know what happened to me as a child
But get the f*ck off my porch and good luck with your trial
Be a man
And sometimes when I talk about it now
I start to get cocky start acting like I'm proud
But I'm not, I was young, I was dumb, I was drunk
Another angry white boy degenerate punk
It's the same reason why I'd make a bad cop
I still deal with being toxic from my bottom to my top
Used to blame it on my pops, but I really gotta stop
It's some shit I gotta drop, you only teach what you were taught
Now I'm just trying to unlearn the bad shit
Kinda wishing that I had before I had kids
I don't want them all to have the life that dad did
Or my dad did, or his dad did
I just want them all to have some good habits
Like asking for help when life gets savage
I want them all to have respect for their mamma
And learn how to unwrap life's little traumas
Be a man

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