Hopeless Nights

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Jonas NDS

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Lately tears have been
Flooding my soul
I was feeling damned so
I had to let them flow
I was too afraid to let emotions
And these feelings go
But i had to get rid of my weight
So i could stay afloat
Had to ask myself some questions
Look at my sub-conscious
Went in search of the causes so
I could solve some problems
Everything was going great
Until i finally caught
The pain that i had buried
Deep inside me in the thickest coffin
And seeing that wasn't sufficient
I had to revive it
I knew it would cost me comfort
I had to survive it
Cos mental peace and closure
Come with a heavier price
And i'm willing to put aside my ego
And make sacrifices
See i know i have to feel the pain
Cos otherwise it fills my brain
And if i trap it now by cap and gown
Day i'll feel insane
What's the point of acting calm if
I know that i deal with rage
Fronting like i love myself when
I know that i'm still ashamed
Everything is changing and it feels amazing
Now i'm feeling able
I was feeling so lost and i was for so long
Now i'm getting stable
I been going through some hopeless nights
I'm tryna keep my hope alive
I'm just tryna get my focus right
I wanna see them both combined
Through all the motions and
The present grieving
I've been thinking we're all made to
Feel like we're some heathens
If we're real about our feelings
Then we think we're weak
They tell us that we don't deserve to
Feel and we really believe them
We have traumas find yours
I encourage it
Cos if you don't express then it
Manifests in some other shit
Be careful with them compliments you take
They're redundant when
It's less about your surface
More about what lies under it
All this weight was holding me
Back from progression
Funny cos my mechanism
Condradicts my essence
I missed out on some blessings that were
Probably truly precious
Cos i was too busy looking back in
Search of all my next shit
It was senseless but i did it and
I learnt from it
Now i'm glad cos i look at everything
I earn from it
Now i look at patterns coming up and
I swerve on them
Had to go through it find out what
I deserve from it
Everything is changing and it feels amazing
Now i'm feeling able
I was feeling so lost and i was for so long
Now i'm getting stable
I been going through some hopeless nights
I'm tryna keep my hope alive
I'm just tryna get my focus right
I wanna see them both combined

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