I Just Wanna Know Home
Krystal Evette
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Let's go back when I was young I was mommy's special son I was safe inside my bubble Never got in any trouble My dad at work, days at a time I would just stay home and cry My family had their plans laid out They didn't have an ounce of doubt Some would say I was obsessed And that is when I got depressed I fixated on female forms I didn't know why I was torn Had no idea who I was On autopilot just because Old memories appeared in waves I won't ever forget that day Like slamming bodies, slapping sounds The pounding noise, she hit the ground I still hear it to this day That moment will not go away Rewind a tad, my coming out The day my mom and me went south I did not come out by choice A cop came in and took my voice From there I finally found myself But wearing heels would hurt my health Had to get ready in the school And change right back, that was the rule She called the school and kicked me out I looked for love, a different route I soon learned family's not just blood And memories will come in floods I seek belonging in a stranger Never see a thread of danger Give so many all my trust For them to say it's not enough Self sabotage, my favorite game Before the demons had a name I'm addicted, wreck, destroy My life became my favorite toy As a kid, I played quite rough But deep down I was never tough I'm delicate just like a flower Isolated in my tower I cannot do this all alone but I have no place to call home If I must do this for myself I'll put my motive on the shelf All the time I feel alone I feel it deep within my bones Even though my secrets show I act like my heart's made of stone All the time, I feel so lost For guidance, I would pay the cost Hoping rawness won't get crossed In this wicked world of frost All the time I feel depressed I'm never feeling at my best The demons are no longer guests They've moved in and they've laid to rest All the time I feel alone I feel it deep within my bones Even though I'm fully grown I just wanna know home Back to the story, second chance At a family, change my stance I've had friends all through the years We've laughed, we've fought, we've shed some tears But no one really stays forever Over time you get less clever Ruined things that felt so good I always knew I never should But I couldn't control myself There was a flaw within my health I could list the fancy terms But there's no point just to affirm I am best at lies and hiding Secrets no one's ever finding Wrecked and hid, deflected blame Every move was all the same But now it feels that hope is lost I know I'm not but I felt crossed Relied on them for eight long years I disregarded all my fears Slowly we had become friends But like all friends, I found an end I realized I'm not unique Face in the crowd, so fucking bleak The sun goes down, I feel alone Breathe in breathe out, pick up the phone I call some people, no replies Just endless silence screaming why I know i did this to myself I know that dwelling will not help And in the end, I just give up Then pour more wisdom in my cup I seek love from anyone Or even just a little fun I take pills, i cut my thighs I cannot look you in the eyes There's so much damage to our path All because I craved my wrath The things you want to say but don't I wish you'd stay but know you won't People only care in death Gone when I take a single breath But once I breathe I'm on my own Into the land of the unknown I wish I didn't need your help Wish I could do this by myself I've made it so I had no choice I'm all alone with just my voice All the time I feel alone I feel it deep within my bones Even though my secrets show I act like my heart's made of stone All the time, I feel so lost For guidance, I would pay the cost Hoping rawness won't get crossed In this wicked world of frost All the time I feel depressed I'm never feeling at my best The demons are no longer guests They've moved in and they've laid to rest All the time I feel alone I feel it deep within my bones Even though I'm fully grown I just wanna know home I act like I'm okay with this I act like I don't look for bliss Act like I'm not drowning in lies I act like one day I can rise But really I don't see much hope I really don't know how to cope I really cannot wait for change I just don't know, I'm too afraid I just wanna know my home Not always feel so damn alone Not always feel the need to roam Not always living on my own I just want to find my place Not always on an endless chase No matter poverty or wealth I need to find home in myself
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Written by: Christopher Ball, Krystal Evette
Lyrics © DistroKid
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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"I Just Wanna Know Home Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 11 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/5666703/Krystal+Evette/I+Just+Wanna+Know+Home>.
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