Hold Me Down

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Krystal Evette

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Filthy words littering the screen
Overcome with this sick shade of green
I just want a little shove over the edge
Each day now is soaked bone deep with dread
Sifting through the driest of the thirst
I'll be gone tomorrow so please do me your worst
I gave a destination, my fingers gently shake
Simply at the thought, my stomach starts to ache
I've convinced myself this will be the final straw
I said you cannot cure a wound if it's this deep and raw
Hide my racing heart with thin layers of lace
This will soon be over, leave me and death face to face
We were on the run, afraid of being seen
Inside I felt worthless like I'd not again be clean
The tension building up as we moved from place to place
Pushed feelings away and painted lust upon my face
We finally found a spot, but the location had a catch
Something unexpected came, in front of me it hatched
It was either double vision or one became two
But my eyes don't play tricks, without a doubt I knew
The tension was so high that I could hardly hear
I regret what I've done and I want to disappear
Afraid if I say no, they'll still take it as a yes
So I silently walk in the room, watch one of them undress
One lies upon the bed, the other to the side
His eyes don't leave my body and silently he guides
I crawl close to the stranger and his eyes are dark with lust
I see this as a compliment since they aren't with disgust
I gulp and begin processing, the moment my mind broke
I feel myself go numb within each and every stroke
I tell myself it's fine and I do not dare to move
This is when I realize there's nothing left to prove
The one moves from the wall and I feel a gentle touch
I'm trapped inside the middle, this all feels like too much
I knew if I spoke out, they'd only mute my words
So I push my fear deep down inside to not ever be heard
Don't know how long has passed, my mind is drawing blank
My power non existent due to how far down it srank
Next thing I know I'm in my car, hands shaking as I drive
I have the motive now for this sickest plan to thrive
I floor the gas and drive away, not ever looking back
Afraid that if I did they'd be right there to attack
I'll never say the names because the sounds just make me sick
I really thought that this commitment finally did the trick
I get home and lay in bed, bathing in my shame
Reality sinks in, I've got so far in the game
Now I've killed my soul, there's only one thing left to do
One too many drinks or just a bullet piercing through

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