I Don't Have a Brother

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Ed Blackburn

3:29

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One little thing just to set me off
Now I've got a week planned full of stressful thoughts
Stressful thoughts and second thoughts
About being here, can you please shut my door
Got my mates tryna reach me on the phone
But I just wanna be left on my own
I think I've started seeing everything in monochrome
And hearing every single thing in monotone
My hands are numb, my ears are starting to bleed
My ankles are swelling and so are my feet
Bottom half of my body doesn't even read
I guess it's no wonder that you can't stand me
Expect big things from his mind complex
I avoid eye contact, cause I'm on edge
Every day wishing that I'm on meds
But I'm high and I'm buzzing like a pylon's neck
My heart's picking up and I'm starting to combust
I can't find a map and I'm always in the rough
I don't have a brother, what the f*ck
There's no hope for me when I have to blow the dust
Off the mic, just to survive the night, I might cry
Rarely ever comply and wish to die
Thing is, nobody would miss my life
So baby come over here, this is your kiss goodbye
How the f*ck can you put out a song
With nothing except your suicide tape on
Man, it's easy when I've got my cape off
Lie it on the floor, where it belongs
Tryna find some kind of tactical wand
To get my mind out of this headspace for one
Minute, I just don't fit in, and I think I'm getting
Livid I can't finish something that's not written
So what is talent when you've got no one to share it with
Weight of the world, I carry it
Holding a hatchet, never gonna bury it
Standing at the windowsill and I'm staring at
Any by-passer walking down the street
And if he looks back at me then he's obviously got beef
What the f*ck did I do to start a scene
Shit that just me, overthinking
Alcoholic drinking, sensation of sinking
Sweating down my cheek and involuntary blinking
Say you love me, well it's not very convincing
This is how i feel, let it sink in
Life is great on this empty couch
The ringing in my ears is forever loud
Everybody listen, settle down
Is what I shout to myself in this empty house
I'm starting to combust
I can't find a map and I'm always in the rough
I don't have a brother, what the f*ck
There's no hope for me when I have to blow the dust
Off the mic, just to survive the night, I might cry
Rarely ever comply and wish to die
Thing is, nobody would miss my life
So baby come over here, this is your kiss goodbye
Medical, psychological compression
I think I'm showing signs of onset depression
All my friends are saying go on, kid, get 'em
But I've got no family, so now I'm just stressing
Suicide. Nah, I'm just messing
And I know I'm going hell so there's no point in confessing
I'ma always be the kid no one ever ends up getting
And I think I'm suffocating in this hole that my leg's in
Mr. Blackburn, he's gonna die young
He looks me in the eyes, disappointed, why son
You'll never get it, dad, I'm just not like them
I wanna slit my wrists and die in Saigon
My tea's gone cold, time to open the curtain
This room's full of people but I'm the only person
Who's wordless and worthless without a service
Sweating and shaking, f*ck I'm so nervous
Take a deep breath, just try not to panic
Go outside on your own I'm sure your mates will allow it
But I can't move my legs, my heart's going sporadic
So turn into a functioning, controllable addict
I just exhaled but I didn't breathe in
I'm on so many drugs stuck to the ceiling
Lungs are deflated I think that they're failing
Vision's gone blurry, I think that I'm leaving
Nope, I'm still alive
Fingers crossed still wishing to die
Put on anaesthetic by some paramedic
Man, I told you you'd never get it, yo this shit is just pathetic

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