Pedagog

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Obdurate

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Are those who dance necessarily not dead?
Why wait?
Could you survive in hell for one second?
Are you certain you truly pictured hell?

I hear the grass first and then feel wind
Shaking my head I fidget with movement
Atop this cliff face, cautiously through droplets
Hairs on my neck assure someone is here

I'm steady and cautious, I know what to fear
Shoes crinkle grass, another step, another step
Stand at the edge, waves against rock
A storm has started, nauseating vertigo

A person down there! Not bothered by rain
Mouth of a cave her authoritative back drop
Heart fills from ears, my soul can hear music
She sings

"See
Clear
Paint waves
Safely
Home"

My attention has turned, the stars begin to appear again
Gifted with giving being a gift
I met an adrenaline junkie named Molly
It's the anxiety of disbelief
I knew that I knew, I followed through the doubt for you, green, red, blue

I'm moved, physically
I'm literally moving to the edge of the cliff
Calm and shaky, aware with clear intent
Lowering myself down to the rocks
At her eye level, stunned, there's no staggering

She continues to sing
I know her name, I always did
Pedagog
Reaching toward her
Our hands touch, we kiss

I look at my hands, covered in paint
Putrefied and evil, her eyes are sockets where spider silk festers

A wave washes half her body away
Stretched shredded rotting flesh stench
We're both gutted, our legs taken from us
I rip at my skin I taste hair and vomit

Buckles and pleas brings me to my knees
Pedagog- don't fucking insult me
It's been a decade the hurricane won't go away
How many decades precede decay?

Benzodiazepine, insulin, penicillin, opioid, an """"antidepressant""""
The therapies: laughing head space amenities
Don't speak to me you flail it fails my teeth sharpen then shrink
I've ruined my life, I'm haunted by hatred, my hunter waits till I'm home

Ashamed, self blame, volcanic, and lame
My heart still pumps but there's acid in my veins
Maybe today I'll be wimpish, exhausted
Pedagog. Pedagog. Pedagog. Pedagog...

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