St. Andrew's Avalanche

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Zachary Red

3:05

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Where do I begin
With the last inhale
With my blood smeared on the sheets after we fucked for the last time
You wouldn't call it that though
You would call it making love
Just like how you said you loved me through tears
Just as I could barely choke out the words back to you
Because this is not just a reflection
But a replaying of what happened before
And I have never wanted to scream at the sky more
To pull my own hair out by the fistfuls and swallow it whole
Just to prove that I would devour myself first than repeat such a mistake
And people ask
They pause and wonder
If I went to you because of familiarity and pain
Because something deeper than love had been stolen from me
And I needed ease and heat
This is all unanswerable
There is no merit in fighting to understand
But I am tired
Tired of begging love from you
Desire from you
And I hate a part of you
For making me want you in a way that I may never have
Because you are too broken to ever remedy yourself
It isn't me that broke this
But still
I swell the wound

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