Inconvenient Emotions

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Vironika Wilde

4:38

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We are just friends, right?
That's what we are, right?
That's what I keep telling myself while so casually
Stepping over these boundaries
Finding intimacy where it didn't live before

Putting love into the spaces that beg to be filled with it
Drinking your energy and swimming in it

But just platonic love, right?
Just people with similar interests, right?

And that's what we keep saying
So I won't tell you about how yesterday,
My skin tingled and burned at the thought of your touch
Or about the fire that comes to lick my insides when I'm around you so much
And I won't mention that I think about you when the lights turn off
(And you're so soft)

And I won't tell anyone how last week, I came home
Got undressed and pressed into the warmth of his back
Still thinking of the way your hair falls around your face
The way you laugh, the way you have no idea I feel this way
Smitten by your beautiful presence, your addictive essence.

And you bring me life
You bring me poetry
You bring me doubt and fear
But only about these feelings being revealed
And I wonder if it's real

I wonder how long this fire will burn
I wonder how to make it burn stronger without hurting anyone
I wonder if you feel the same, if you feel that flame
I wonder if it would feed the fire if we touched
But I wouldn't, and I won't, because we're just friends, right?

So come give me a hug, and I'll hold you briefly
Letting go too quickly
Because I'd hold you all night if you just let me

You know, I realize suddenly
That you remind me
Of the first boy I ever loved
My destruction, my muse
And now, you're opening up all these wounds
Except it doesn't hurt, it melts
And it's not a wound, but a flower
And the petals of my past open up around you
And I want to heal all the parts of me
He destroyed just by being with you

But, you're not him
And you're not the one I'm with
And you're not committed to me
And we're just friends
Right?

But nights like this one tonight
I'm sitting here with two cups of you
One of love and one of lust
And I just keep drinking from both
Wondering how I can still be thirsty
But I am. I'm insatiable, baby

I want to inhale your art
Smear your music on my thighs
Mix your essence into Shea butter
Put it on my lips, and I'll
Taste you every minute
Taking hits of the drug of choice
That fuels my voice
And they'll ask me what keeps me going
And I'll be honest and say, "My friends"
You know?

Do you know?
I don't know

I don't know how much self-restraint
I've got to put on these feelings
That seem so innocent
But also so indecent
Tell me, is it?

Could the fire within human beings
Human thoughts, human consciousness
Could that be wrong?
Should that be wrong?

And now I'm bartering with my values
Trying to make my intoxication with you
Fit into my world view
But you know, I will not cut this down
For the sake of purity and morality
Because, to me, you're as pure as can be

So let it sprout roots below and fire above
The ever-elusive passionate love
Your spirit, I want to be near it
I'll keep my proximity, say it's for creativity
But the truth is: you swallow my entirety
Spit me back out full of energy
And most importantly
You're not afraid to walk away from me
And every time you do, I'm drawn to you magnetically

You said once, your life's a piece of art
I see it now. I get it! I'm marveling at your heart
I want to explore your wilderness
And share with you a tenderness
I've only just imagined
Tell me, have you ever felt like this?

I did once before, got burned
It's been twelve years, filled me full of fear
Thought I'd never find that passion anywhere
That's what everybody said
"Love's a piece of tape
You put in on, rip it off
Then there's no escape
From the dwindling of energy
Settle for less now."
That is what they said to me
But now I'm free

Mind limits removed; belief systems changed
My world's on fire, and I'm screaming out your name

And I tried to silence this, dismiss
These feelings of eternal bliss
Rip this poem in half, replace it
But I can't erase it
The feeling of this beat, the synchronicity

So I make love to you through poetry
The closest to you I can be
Wish you were here next to me

But what if by touching, then this all ends
Then we'll wish that we just stayed friends
Right?

Well, at least you now know how I feel
Feeling exposed, revealed
But this, it shouldn't be concealed
The world's full of illusions, but this thing, baby
This is real

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