Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

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Starman in a Roadster

4:31

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I went to Hollywood trying to make it as a rapper
But you wouldn't believe the chain of events that happened after
Machine Gun Kelly was having a party way up in the hills
My cousin knew his producer and they invited me to come chill
The party was wack so I walked around lookin' for shit to steal
Then I walked by a bedroom and it sounded like somebody was getting killed
I walked in on MGK holding a knife to Eminem's daughter
So I punched him in the face and said "Here, I'm taking you to your father"
She said "Don't bother", she grabbed the knife and put it to my throat
She put my penis in a bucket of water and said "it better not float"
Well luckily for me my shit's heavy and sank straight to the bottom
Then she picked up the phone called her dad and said "we got him"
She started tuggin' on it and said "you're coming with me"
They blindfolded me and threw me in the back of a black SUV
I woke up butt naked chained to a poll in someone's basement
Next to Tupac and Biggie and they said "shit, you must be jason"
I was slipping in and out of consciousness didn't know if it was night or day
Then I heard some footsteps walking down the stairs, it was Dr. Dre
He said "at last my son I've been awaiting your arrival
Then Eminem came in fast rapping verses from the bible
He walked up to me with an erection it was small but he gave me a hug
Then he stuck straws in my neck and they both started drinking my blood
I woke up in great pain sitting on LilNasX's lap
I was still naked handcuffed and afraid and he was rubbing my back
He whispered to me "my old town road money running thin
I need a new hit by midnight I got approval from Em"
They dragged me into the studio and started fighting over who's first
Then Drake walked in with his woes and said "Yo, I need a verse"
I wrote songs for so many artists I woke up with a fever
Then in walked the Illuminati prince himself fuckin' Justin Bieber
He moonwalked up to me and started singing in tongues
Then his eyes rolled in the back of his head and said "Our time has come"
A number one song a week for the hundred years hahaha
As he bit into my wrist shit all I could hear was their cheers
And chanting I started panicking and shitting bricks
Next thing you know I was getting raped by all three Dixie Chicks
After they were done their stomachs started increasing in size
They each gave birth to six lizard babies with Mark Zuckerberg demon eyes
I was screaming crying lying in a pool of my own piss
Then to my surprise in walks Kanye and Taylor Swift
F*ck yo so first Taylor comes up to me and she starts drinking my blood
And slaps me and says "I'm so fucking tired of singing about love
I want an album where I'm strictly talking about dicks
Big ones little ones and crooked ones with weird looking tips"
I was crying in terror but I gave her what she needed
Then Kanye walked up and said "Yo, everybody beat it"
Then he whispered to me sayin' "I'm the only one you can trust
I was sent here from the future by Elon Musk"
Explosives started going off and all I heard was screaming
Kanye was carrying me and I thought oh god I must be dreaming
Then I feel somebody shaking me saying Jason, Hey Jason
Jason wake up it's me Elon Musk you broke through the simulation
Congratulations
Congratulations
Congratulations

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