Where You Been?

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Curtis Foster

4:10

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Where you been, where you been
I tell ‘em how can I describe it to you
Where do I begin
Is you still making music or that shit come to an end
Guess I got some gaps to fill
Let me get my pen
Yo
Let’s start off with the obvious
It’s been a lil bit since I dropped a hit
Same old shit like a fossil dig
I’ve been missing from the hip-hop populace
But what was the cause of it
It didn’t have to do with these women or copulance
See I stumbled and I tripped and I drifted
In the midst of a rift like Occulus
It started with a boom in my chest
When I’m snoozing and resting at 3 in the morning
My eyes opened up like I’m losing my breath
But I’m doing my best to fall asleep and ignore it
But that shit was too thumping
In my ticker, I knew it was something
Taking my pulse for a moment or so
And low and behold it hit 200
Feeling like a jolt of coke
Was sending smoke signals
Throughout my nervous system, I
Never been one to go and f*ck with drugs but
I had a Xanax script and I
Was taking that shit til the shakes would all quit
And my brain I’d just switch it to off mode
This would become my new nightly religion
Jittery heart in Chicago
I was hatin’ my living
Got me fucked up in my circadian rhythm
Please save me, I’m begging you
Take me, deliver me, center me
Lend me to life not bittersweet
As this fate, I’ve been given
Every single night like clockwork
For weeks on end
Thinking I need a fuckin’ doctor
Patiently waiting for vacancies till they sedated me
Laying me down for this operation
Where you been, where you been
I tell ‘em how can I describe it to you
Where do I begin
Is you still making music or that shit come to an end
Guess I got some gaps to fill
Let me get my pen
Yo
The hardest shit, my heart was fixed
Tachycardia fits could hardly fit
Inside of my life anymore, no longer part of it
I gave ‘em no audience
But then my guard was lifted
Ended up scarred by another heartless
Shhh, I ain’t gonna stoop low as a ditch
Ain’t no use in bitchin’ about it
When I don’t give a shit, nah
I went through some hardship
Troubling times had me doubling my intake of booze
Couldn’t deal with the real, I was fucked up and blue
Stepping in shit, checking under my shoe
Years down the drain though
Should have left sooner
Should have let the flame go
Out ‘cause it just blew up like Waco
But what do they know?
Didn’t think nobody could relate to my pain though, nah
I played devil’s advocate
Analyzed it, looked at it, dismantled it
All just to see if I could have avoided
The void in my stomach
If maybe I’d handled it differently
I was misery
All alone with that bittersweet symphony
Seeking company through whiskey drinks and nicotine
Covering up the taste later with some Listerine
Haha, yeah, yeah
But I think that I know better now
Should have never chased a dame who’s playing games
Or given her the power to let me down
F*ck that, I got my lesson down
If you noticing toxic behavior
Then drop it in place and just walk away, son
On some Clarkson shit, I’m better now
Where you been, where you been
I tell ‘em how can I describe it to you
Where do I begin
Is you still making music or that shit come to an end
Guess I got some gaps to fill
Let me get my pen
I became a shut-in, reclusive
Daydreaming about a life full of substance and music
But instead I was alcohol abusing
Choosing to f*ck myself up instead of doing
Something to better myself and the people around me
Wide awake at night
It took months to be sleeping soundly
One second I’d shut my eyes
And the next I would be drowning
In memories, never letting me
Go when the shit surrounds me
I was depressed as f*ck, stressed as f*ck
Confined to my bedroom, stuck
Unable to write anything to a beat, I could see
Look at me, a fuckin’ failure tryna test my luck
And all of that panic and stress
Wonderin’ what’s happening in my chest
Had to pack my bags and I left
But not by my hands or at my behest
F*ck it, I hated my life
Screaming, I was seething with hatred
Debating on whether or not there’s a God
If he hates me
Trading blows with myself
Debating with the sky, anger in my eyes
Saying I’m no longer praying to divine
Saviors in my time, they all hit decline
When I rang ‘em on they line, now the day is mine
I’mma slay it like I’m fuckin’ made to spit these rhymes
Cage is breaking, I’m salivating, get the knives
Stomach aching from the pain of getting by
No more waiting for the rain to miss my life
I’mma fill my plate and I’mma savor every bite
Screaming f*ck the world, I say it out of spite
Grinning like I got a razor in my smile
Now I’ll take my aim and raise it at the sky

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