Beautiful (Edit)

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Seth Bowman

3:13

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I’m just so fuckin' depressed
I just can’t seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I wake up every mornin' with so much
Hurt that it seems like it’s just a bunch
Of weight on my shoulders just to crush
Me but I’m too busy in a rush
Self medicating just to get relief as lush
I grab the brush but I’m too far gone
I set it down and begin to yawn
It’s been a week and I’m so withdrawn
Can’t imagine the pain that you’ve undergone
I wish I could take it all away
I wish that we could go back to the day
So many words I didn’t get to say
If there was any way that I could make you stay
Trust me you know I’d be on the way
I sit here by myself every day and pray
The world without you has been so grey
We talk everyday me and Myles
He’s keepin' me together and all the while
I don’t expect you to understand my trials
But you would have to walk a thousand miles
Looking back on it it all adds up
You drank a lot but you didn’t eat much
You just couldn’t seem to keep down your lunch
Cause every day you seemed to throw up
And even though I appear grown up
How could I predict something abrupt
Laying on that bed with your lungs corrupt
You’re still the strongest woman to interrupt
This world with all your love and smiles
Thank God at least I still have Myles
The pain I could stack and put in piles
Until they brush the ceiling tiles
I can’t describe this haunting feeling
The suffering in which I’m dealing
You can’t rush the process of healing
Like painting a wall just to see it peeling
I'ma take a minute here in time
To say a phrase that ends in rhymes
That’ll maybe cross your path in time
Why your soul is floating up in the sky
You were so beautiful no lie
That’s the reason why every day I try
To tell you so that you knew
That you wouldn’t have to walk a thousand miles
The days go by and they’re treacherous
One day I hope they’ll be effortless
My heat beats with a tenderness
Everything you did was so generous
Reflecting on the days that I had to sit
In that hospital room bite my teeth and grit
Hoping the results would be a perfect fit
On the medical evaluation paper I was slid
The conclusion has made me begin to reflect
On everyday ways that you had an affect
The days are slow as I recollect
I’m connecting the dots that you left unchecked
I feel as if it’s my right to protect
Everything that you built just out of respect
My mind feels like it’s been abused and wrecked
Battering these thoughts that I refuse to accept
And pearl she’ll be fine don’t worry
Her lives are now one less than nine, still furry
We all died a little inside when you left early
My hands are shaking and my vision’s still blurry
Asleep all day, I stay up all night
The battle inside my minds a big fight
With all my might it might take a while
You might just have to walk a mile

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