Gives & Takes

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D.I.D.A.C.T.I.C.

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It's my first Father's Day without you, my first as a father
My son won't know his grandpa, you won't see him as a toddler
I just wanna give him the connection that I missed as a kid
Be the best dad I can be, with nearness and secrets
I thought you were absent, we never mentally bonded
But you loved in your own way, gave up the life that you wanted
For us in a country you couldn't communicate in
You were a true DAD, with Devotion And Dedication
Worked hard with little pay to help raise a family of eight
With every penny you made, we were never empty, we ate
I owe my work ethic to you and mom, I wish you'd see now
I finally made it to the office, I know you'd be proud
And I know you loved me, even though it was hard to say
'Cause you had your helping hand and your kind heart displayed
You turned 63, a week later, you're in the ER
Easter Sunday, who woulda thought the next month would be hard
Like you, I'm a man of few words, got the same dry humour
You were making a joke after being told about the tumour
But without God changing me, I'm afraid of who I'd become
Growing up, they would call me the little you like we're one
So I wonder if I'll see a bit of you in my son
We weren't close, but I blame myself for losing my tongue
Now my hope is that the next time I'll see you's with God's Son
And we'll eternally share words fluently strung
You had plans to retire back home, just two years to go
Instead, your life came to a halt, they found a tumour that's grown
Hoping it's benign, you found out as you've been dealing with your eye
It's blocking your esophagus, so you were wheeled to rectify
You couldn't eat, we assumed it'd be best choosing a stent
Still couldn't eat, cancer grew and it spread, you're losing your strength
You're no longer lively hooked up to all those IVs
At the same time as Raphy 'cause he wasn't feeding and feisty
You were strong, it hurt to see you suddenly get weak
Hugging that pillow tight like the hugs you would give each
Person, in pain from moving and eating, even water's burning
Waiting each day for it to turnaround, but it's not, it's worsening
You went from fasting for tests to asking for meds
On a diet of painkillers, but still grasping your chest
25 Years since we moved here, you're waiting for a bone scan
It seemed like all your appointments kept being postponed, and
What we thought would be three days turned into three weeks
At least you made it home, hoping you hear as we speak
You were supposed to be in and out, this wasn't the plan
We were gonna beat this like others, 'til they botched up your stent
Like you, I'm a man of few words, got the same dry humour
You were making a joke after being told about the tumour
But without God changing me, I'm afraid of who I'd become
Growing up, they would call me the little you like we're one
So I wonder if I'll see a bit of you in my son
We weren't close, but I blame myself for losing my tongue
Now my hope is that the next time I'll see you's with God's Son
And we'll eternally share words fluently strung
Following your hearse down the road you drove me to and from work
A month from checking in, that's how fast your ruin occurred
A month and week after your birthday, the day after Mama's
Cremated on your daughter's, but death is just a comma
There's no way to prepare for destruction as sudden
A month from your diagnosis, we're at your casket, hugging
Met your fourth grandson right after your Mass and last unction
With pneumonia, blood in your lungs, and muscle mass shrunken
You held on to be the first to hold him in your arms
One day, I will tell him all that you built from a farm
Emotions were mixed, combined, met him in the nick of time
Next day, words started to slur, heart rate and oxygen not fine
Early that morning, after introducing you
It hit me like abuse that I may be losing you
As my two-day-old newborn's at home crying for food
I'm driving in silence... crying for you
Both tryna reach a nurse, I'm not ready to see a hearse
Wonder if you'd be here if you never got that procedure first
And your blood clot never burst, but wondering won't bring back
If everything happens for a reason, then so did that
Like falling off a roof and not getting a broken back
'Cause you had a family to make, God had chosen that
So know this, Dad, the devil wants me wrecked and mad
So although one second I'm sad, the next second I'm glad
'Cause when I'm down, thinking of you, I look at my son, my boy
And feel blessed that God gave me this bundle of joy
Life and death, 6 days apart, though you saw his face, it's hard
You were trapped in that prison, we watched you lay and starve
Prayed that they'd discharge, but sometimes fate is harsh
You would stay with us in April and in May, depart
The wound fades, but there always remains a scar
But I do know God gives and God takes, it's part
Of life, sometimes at once, like happiness and pain would spar
So I dedicate these bars to you at the place you are
I'll never forget the day Raph was taken to you
God brought him early for YOU, 'cause you died the day he was due
Like you, I'm a man of few words, got the same dry humour
You were making a joke after being told about the tumour
But without God changing me, I'm afraid of who I'd become
Growing up, they would call me the little you like we're one
So I wonder if I'll see a bit of you in my son
We weren't close, but I blame myself for losing my tongue
Now my hope is that the next time I'll see you's with God's Son
And we'll eternally share words fluently strung
It was only after you died that I first saw mom cry
Can only imagine how she's feeling, thinking of days gone by
And as time passes, we're left with memory flashes
Photos of you in that casket, got your ashes and your last wish
For us to keep each other together, not scrap and clash
We'll hold on like we held you as you took your last and passed
You were breathing worse than Vader in that mask you had
No rest for your heart, nearly beating as fast as Raph's
Like you're running a marathon, constantly sprinting
In one spot, we're wondering what it had gotten you thinking
Imagining what kinda thoughts were racing through your head
As you're hugging that pillow, your firstborn's wiping your sweat
And we know that we can't take back any choice we made
You just don't want us to wait and have our pains voiced too late
You built your own support team, thank you for trusting us
It doesn't end with you being ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Like you, I'm a man of few words, got the same dry humour
You were making a joke after being told about the tumour
But without God changing me, I'm afraid of who I'd become
Growing up, they would call me the little you like we're one
So I wonder if I'll see a bit of you in my son
We weren't close, but I blame myself for losing my tongue
Now my hope is that the next time I'll see you's with God's Son
And we'll eternally share words fluently strung
You fought more than the cancer and you were doing it calm
'Til the day you left the family that you were among
And you went to the One who saved me from who I'd become
Growing up, they would call me the little you like we're one
So I wonder if I'll see a bit of you in my son
We weren't close, but I blame myself for losing my tongue
Now my hope is that the next time I'll see you's with God's Son
And we'll eternally share words fluently strung

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