Barry Manilow Got Stuck in Sausage Fibers

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ColdmaN5

10:31

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Barry Manilow sing me a song
A song is all I want to hear
But don't just sing me any song
Sing me a song of Christmas cheer

So Barry got comfy
In his leather brown seat
And out came his dog Scrumpfy
And laid down at his feet
Good ol' Barry started strumming
On his lucky Ferris Go Wheel guitar
Good ol' Barry started humming
And tapping his feet on the floor
I sat and watched this performance
And a tear streamed down my left cheek
But tragedy struck without warning
And he let out a blood-curdling scream

An Italian spider had spun a meaty web
And it wrapped around the helpless Barry
And I asked as his eyes went wide with dread
Manilow are you hurt and he said "very"
Pretty soon he had a new home
In a stringy meat cocoon
And I asked "What do I do"
And he replied "Get me outta here soon"
So I grabbed a knife from the pantry
And I tried in might to cut him loose
But the web was tough as hard candy
And I said "Barry I think you're screwed"
But Barry had a plan in his head
One that involved me
"Son, grab me my guitar" he said
"And I think I can get free"
So I ran to his aide and picked up his weapon
And he freed up both of his hands
He reached for me and I handed it to him
And he quickly started to jam
He played what seemed like a million-note flurry
Quicker than the speed of sight
And everything in the room became blurry
And there was a flash of white light
And it sounded something like this

Followed by the loud sound of a boom
I was scared and closed my eyes tight
Couldn't see but from what I heard I assume
Mr. Manilow put up a fight
When I opened them a few moments later
I saw Mr. Manilow was free
And I asked him how he did what I did
And he said "Stranger that's between you and me"
With a friendly wave goodbye
We went back to our separate lives
And I never thought I'd see him again

Then ten years later I got a call on my cell
And it was Barry on the other end
I said "Why did you call please do tell"
He said "I never forgot you my friend
I was wondering if I could swing by some day
And maybe grab a bite to eat"
Without even thinking I said "Okay
How about some time next week"
Before we knew it that day came
And he was standing at my door
I looked at his car parked in my driveway
A classic Chevy Fifty-Four
Then I looked back up in Manilow's eyes
He had tears streaming down his face
I asked "Barry why why must you cry"
He said "Son I have something to say
I'll never forget how you saved my life
And I owe all I've done to you
You could have sat by and watched me die
But you knew just what to do"
With that the old man broke down
And fell into my arms
So I walked him over to the couch
And sat him gently on the arm
After a little while Barry began to unwind
And we sat ate joked and laughed
All about days gone by

Suddenly the mood went from fun to grave
As he motioned toward the floor
"Oh my God what is that please get it away"
I looked to see the source
One little bug scurrying around
So innocent and cute
"Stomp it kill it now"
So I smashed it with my shoe

Poor Barry was now in hysterics
And it took me forever to calm him down
I thought that he would cry himself sick
So I gave him drugs to knock him out

Three days later I called his agent
To see what in the world was wrong
At first I couldn't get him to say it
Then he started the story along
"Ten years ago ever since that day
Poor Barry I tell you just hasn't been the same
Every time he sees a spider
It just reminds him
Reminds him of the time
He got stuck in sausage fibers"

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