The Idea of Me

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Rabbi Darkside

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THE IDEA OF ME
Give me a bum mood and a drum loop
A studio to come to some confusion to undo
A bass line to hum to
A microphone to check 1-2
It’s like I lost track on a long path
Recognize after/before it rains there is a soft patch/salt flat
And there’s mudslides after shitstorms
That’s why we build a home where we can get warm
Yo the rents high but the view’s ace
Paying dues and the cost of living proves great
Home is heart turf and it’s hard work
It’s car parts on the armoire
But it’s a large perk
When your person is the person
That you say good night to last and good morning to first
I know I could do worse
I know I could be better
Didn’t know if I would question
I know I want it forever
Conflicting like cliques in Heathers
Overlooking gifts and treasures and the genesis embers
It was a September and my temperament was semper contemplative
And my pen was moving like my records
18 months later we moving in together
Growing pains are thicke but the commitment is the measure
Sometimes when it gets tough I wonder if you’re happy
Do you see me as I am or only see I’m lacking
THE IDEA OF ME
It’s a construct concave maybe about grown age
Gold plate cold case vision of a soul mate
Hard luck hard love close shaves ghost dates
Co-pays start-ups investing for the heart’s f*ck
That plus karma
Feeds into a vision
Of the kind of person
Who you dream of knitting
That leaves me in stitches
Hanging on by a thread
Wondering what I did while trying to be my best
And wonder if it’s my worldview my life path my upbringing
Nights right beside you when I can feel my gut singing
Wonder if it’s actions pinging parts
Wonder if it’s assuming something to feed something dark
Maybe about roles derived from parental modes
Or growing up in the South and growing up in New York
Or wishing that things were different when we’re both feeling distant
Taking time to sit with intent talk and listen
Maybe about exes and the scars that they left
Or maybe about checklists red flags and sex
It could just be stress
If I couldn’t be a mess
I can put it in a song but we can’t put it to rest
Only have one thing to confess
I’m afraid I’m not enough or just not what you expect
THE IDEA OF ME

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