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Ivor Biggun

Robert "Doc" Cox (born 1 July 1946), also known as Ivor Biggun, is a British musician and former television journalist. He is known for his appearances on the BBC TV programme That's Life! from 1982 to 1992 and for four albums of humorous, smutty songs. Currently resident in Suffolk, he is active in several pub bands, including the Trembling Wheelbarrows. more »

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Mah name's Pierre Foofe, Ah come from Montmartre
Ah play ze Moulin Rouge, Ah'm a famous French fartre
Ah stands on ze stage, Ah whistle and hum
Ah make animal noises through ze hole in mah bum
Whizza bugle or flute, Ah can play any theme
from God Save ze Weasel to Pop Goes ze Queen
Ah can trumpet or whisper whizout loosing mah breath
mah songs zey have pongs for ze sake of ze deaf
A poem Ah'll recite, demonstrating mah art
illustrated by noises straight from ze heart

Avez-vous ze cabbage, ze baked beans? Merci!
Un moment, s'il-vous plait

Ah wake up in ze morning and when Ah bend over 
Is my faithful dog Rover
And zen in ze bathroom, each morn' wizout fail 
Mah puss' cat, Ah've stood on his tail
Ze maid brings me breakfast of baked beans and pears
And when Ah 'ave dined, Ah walk down ze stairs 
From mah window Ah see a small duck walking by 
And above is a cuckoo, who sings in ze sky 
Ah walk down ze path through ze old creaking gate 
And 'ere comes a chicken who seems rather irate 
Farmer Giles with his chainsaw is cutting down trees 
And zen he sits among ze cabbage and peas
His Mary, from ze dairy, she make mah 'eart throb
She watching ze bull and ze cow on ze job
Ah walk up to her and Ah tip'a mah hat
"Madamoiselle", Ah say, "Ah wish zat ah was doing zat"
She turns and replies in tones sweet and refined
"Well, why don't you then, I'm sure the cow won't mind"
Zis iz'a some of your English'a humour, non? Sacre-bleu! Merde!
Ah could live in your eyes, Ah say, each one's a bright one
She say "You be quite at home there, there's a sty in the right one"
At zis gay badinage Ah laugh like a jackass
Pass by faithful Rover and kick him in ze knackers

Ah what 'appiness life in ze countryside arouses
Ah! Oo! Quelle dommage! Excusez-moi -
Ah must'a change mah trousers

Oh! Frappe un lumiére!

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