The Motions

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Moments Often Missed

6:17

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Everyday I wake up at the same time
I roll over and think about getting up 
Before I actually do
Like it's a mental effort to even consider 
Moving from the exact position I'm currently in

I glance outside and the sky is a slate gray
It's not particularly unpleasant
But it's not quite motivating either
I stare at it for a while
I shift out of bed, I stand up, I put on my clothes
I look at myself in the mirror
I look tired

I follow through with my morning routine
I feel exactly fine, no better, no worse
The air is a bit humid outside
But it's warm and soft
Birds tweet tweet just a little
I eat my breakfast even though I'm not really hungry
But people say it's good to eat in the morning

I go through the day, half there, half gone
Life is nice and boring
I'm happy enough
I go through the motions 
And they don't fill me with dread
The colors of my life are beige, light yellow
Pale blue, and faded pink
They're dunked in a cast of fuzzy gray light

There are people in my life that make me smile
I work around the house 
And get done what needs to get done
I walk through town and the bustle feels 
Dampened to me
Everyone immersed in their own worlds
Chattering and moving about 
Effortlessly avoiding collision or confrontation
Happy, alive with light and laughter
But happening around me and only around me 

I never considered that I was missing anything
I was happy, I was fortunate
I always had what I needed
I lived well, I ate well
I had small moments of enjoyment
I found beauty in beautiful things
I found places that were just my own
I went out at night and drank alcohol
I was decent looking
People looked at me deeply when we talked
Maybe I was special, or maybe not

And then, I met you
When you looked at me I felt steamrolled
And attacked, and helpless, and stricken
My chest was heavy
And a surge of electricity ignited within my body 
And sent shockwaves through my fingertips
It was like I'd been asleep
Floating in stagnant water 
When the relentless, frothing rapids 
Decided to churn for the first time in a thousand years
I was lying inside a dormant volcano 
And you activated explosions 
Of hot magma and searing ash 
Raining down from all directions
You smiled, and I choked on my words
You touched my arm 
And permanently branded 
Your fingerprints into my skin
I was awake and alive
I felt like I had been living in slow motion 
And now every moment I spent with you
Felt like falling out of the sky and landing in the ocean 
And sinking forever and ever
The air was simply removed from my lungs

I didn't understand how to process what I felt for you
I was unable to comprehend how painfully real love was 
From the moment I shared a look with you
It felt like the muted colors 
Exploded into hues of emotion 
That were so bright they blinded me 
But I couldn't stop looking
Being with you feels like

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