Listening To My Penis

Jon LajoieJon Lajoie 

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Jon Lajoie

Jonathan Lajoie ( lə-ZHWAH; born August 21, 1980) is a Canadian comedian, actor, rapper, singer, musician, and Internet celebrity from Montreal, Quebec. He gained fame mostly from his eponymous YouTube channel, posting comedic original songs (often as rapper characters, such as "Everyday Normal Guy") and comedy skits. Lajoie is also known for his role as Taco MacArthur on the FXX comedy series The League. Since 2016, he has released indie folk music under the moniker Wolfie's Just Fine. more »

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Listening To My Penis
Jon Lajoie
I Kill People (2010)

I have to stop listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

I should be studying and I'm working hard
My future depends on this bizarre??
Why am I standing in this noisy club 
Where people are "Hey, what the f*ck"
It doesn't make sense, I hate this place
12 dollar drinks and a shitty DJ

Obnoxious doucebags and easy girls
Oh yeah, that's why I'm here, the easy girls
I can't believe that is have come to this
bla bla bla is rediculous

I know I sound sexist, but I'm a feminist
But the problem my dick is a navy guest (??)
When it comes to arguments, he always wins
Rationality can not compete with orgasms

I lost my trade of thought, this girl's so hot
Oh here I go again, I have to stop

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

I hate this girl, why am I talking to her?
She's a horrible person but my mind's a blur
She's wearing a skirt and a push-up bra
God damn her and that push-up bra

My mind keeps telling me to walk away
"Jon, just go home and masturbate
Don't waste your money and your time 
with this really dissing girl 
that you don't even like"
But my dick is like "Hey! I'm here to stay! 
You're gonna do as I say! First get her drunk
It will be easier. And if she wants to dance
Then fucking dance with her"

But I hate this music and I hate dancing
And there's no way I can afford all these drinks
"Hey! Do what you have to do to get me inside! 
You know very well you won't win this fight"

So five minutes later I'm on the dance floor
Dancing to Kesha and I hate that hoe
And I hate myself and I hate my cock
It's hard as a rock and I have to stop

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

Stumble out of the bar, it's 2 in the morning
Dead on the inside but still horny
So I try to get this girl back to her place 
But she says she's hungry so I have to wait

Now I'm in a diner, it's almost 3
She's talking about her captive reality tv
I really should just go home and get some sleep 
but the goddamn cleavage is staring right at me
And I just wanna spend a little time in there 
which reminds me of a flow?? by Voltaire
Anything to stupid to spoken is sung 
And I have been singing a lot since I have begun

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

So I'm back at her place 4 am, finally play time begins
All my hard work is about to pay off 
But all of a sudden there is a knock on her door
She starts to freak out
She tells me she thought her boyfriend was out of town

He kicks the door down, I jump out the window
I didn't even have the time to grab my coat
So I'm running like a motherfucker down the street
Fully erect and still horny

I finally give in, this has to stop
So I hide in some bushes and I start to jerk off
I'm almost done when I see flashing lights
A squad car appears right out of the night

I try to run and that's when I cum
Surrounded by cops at the break of dawn
See, this is what happens when you listen to your dick
You become an irrational insane prick

Now I'm sitting the cell, ashamed and naked
How the f*ck am I gonna explain this to my wife and kid?

Listening to my penis
Listening to my penis
I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

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