New Math

Bo BurnhamBo Burnham 

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Bo Burnham

Robert "Bo" Burnham (born August 21, 1990 (1990-08-21)) is an American comedian, singer-songwriter, musician, actor, and Internet celebrity. Writing comedic and satirical songs with a politically incorrect slant, he achieved fame when his YouTube videos took off and received more than 70 million views by October 2010. Comedy Central Records released his first EP (Bo Fo Sho, June 2008) and his first two full-length albums (Bo Burnham in March 2009 and Words Words Words in October 2010). On January 29, 2011, it was announced that Burnham finished #1 overall in voting in 2011's Comedy Central Stand-up Showdown. more »

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What's a pirate minus a ship?
Just a creative homeless guy.
And an anteater plus a giant hungry mutant ant?
An ironic way to die.
Domain, domain range?
A kid with too much in his pants.
What's two balls minus one?
Seven titles at the Tour de France.

Split a decision with long division,
Take the circumference of your circumcision.

Chorus:
Live like your data, and when you're all set,
put it all together and whatever you get? It's New Math.

What's a bag of chips divided by five?
Well thats a Nike worker's meal.
And Santa Claus multipied by "i",
well, I guess that makes him real.
And the, square root of the NBA?
Well that's Africa in a box.
How do you trace a scatterplot?
You give the pencil to Michael J. Fox.

Take the approximate moral proportion,
of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion.

Chorus:
Live like your data, and when you're all set,
put it all together and whatever you get? It's New Math.

And if you took a factor tree ,
Of the factors that caused my girl to leave me,
you'd have a tree, full of asian porn.
C-A-L-C-U-Later mathematical minds make industrial smog,
What's the opposite of LNX?
Duraflame the unnatural log.

Support the farmers with a protractor,
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common factor.

Chorus:
Live like your data, and when you're all set,
put it all together and whatever you get? It's New Math.

Word Problems

If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop
With a twenty dollar bill and he's ready to buy,
In order to predict his volume change,
You'll need to know the value of pi.
There's a metal train a mile long
And at the very back end the lightning bolt struck her,
How long til it reaches and kills the driver,
Provided that he's a good conductor.
If ten percent of men are gay,
Twenty percent of men are Chinese,
What are the odds that a man chosen at random
Spends his free time and meal time while on his knees?
If kim is half as old as bobby,
Who is two years older than twelve year old Tory,
For how many thirty-day months
Will their threesomes be considered statutory rape?

Because Math can be sexy

Sex is like quadratic expansion,
If it can't be split than its time to stop.
Havin' sex is like doing fractions,
It's improper for the larger one to be on top.
Havin' sex is like doing math homework,
I do it best when I'm alone in my bed.
Squaring numbers are just like women,
If therey're under thirteen then just do them in your head.

It's New Math.

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