If I'm Being Honest

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Raine Wilder

3:11

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If I'm really being honest, really being honest
I guess first I have to start being honest with myself
If I'm really being honest, really being honest
I never really meant to hurt no one, but I did

If I'm really being honest here
I fell so far like a comet came thru the atmosphere 
Moving fast & blurry
I tried to make it clear
Seen everyone that hurt me
Look at me thru my mirror
So I tried to hide it
Ended up feeling divided 
Every place that I went
It felt like I'm living two lives
Found myself racing back 
Erasing roads off the path 
Picking up old bad habits 
Had all my vices in a basket
Reality's a mirage
Wish I could light it up
Like neon lights but it's camouflaged
Locked in these invisible chains 
The only thing holding me back 
Is my own doubt in my brain
If I'm being honest
I'm scared to death 
To blow up doing music
& Lose my time with my kids I get
Now that I've gone through all this 
The one thing left
For me to do is be honest
100 with every breath

If I'm really being honest, really being honest
I guess first I have to start being honest with myself 
If I'm really being honest, really being honest
I never really meant to hurt no one, but I did

I'm sorry I've been distant
Sorry that it's makes me act so different 
Sorry I've been breaking my commitment 
Sorry I say sorry like I think it's gonna fix it 
I cross my heart and promise
That it never was my intent
But some days, tides change
And everything familiar starts to seem so strange 
And everything that filled ya up
Begins to drain
But you just keep on moving
Like it's still the same
Imagining myself now, looking in that mirror
I've put you thru hell somehow, it only brought you nearer 
Guess you ain't afraid of flames
Outlining my halo
Every chance I have to pull you closer, I just let go
I swear I ain't no angel
I've worn a couple devil horns 
For my lows I'm thankful
It Ripens up my rotten core
I'm finally admitting it
Sometimes I start an all out war 
And never warn before I roar
And it's not what you're asking for
Cuz that part is the hardest 
Admitting I was heartless 
Convincing me that I'm the one 
Who needs to chill regardless

Convincing me that I'm the one who needs to build thru all this 
My soul was always starving
In the parts Iʼm feeding garbage
You can't grow a family tree
If you're killing the garden
If you can't even pull the weeds 
How can you start it
I'm saying I'm not unaware
Of the anger that I've harnessed
I just hope I can polish up the moments that I've tarnished
Iʼm just being honest

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