It's Probably a Passat TBH

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JJ Is OK

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Woke up got out of bed got dressed, walked down the steps
Can you ask anymore of me?
I take a deep breath and walk away
With the best intentions for today

Last night I had too much to drink, couldn't think
Spent a little too much time over the sink
Called this girl I liked a bitch, but I didn't mean it
There was doubt in her eyes
Man you should've seen it

Walked on home, well as far as I could
Took a wrong turn in the wrong hood
I was up to no good
Was late for my train
Tomorrow was today
Man, there's gotta be a better way

There's gotta be a better way
Than taking this New Jersey Train
Always in danger of being late
There's gotta be a better way

Do you remember the first spider man
Where the spider man had a itsy bitsy spider plan
To make Mary Jane Watson a spider fan?
To get himself a car by winning five grand?

Where Peter Parker wanted to become a Peter Driver
So he signed up to win some cash as a cage fighter?
(I didn't sign up for a cage match!)

Whoops, my mistake but anyway
That's my play, gotta get there, anywhere like yesterday
Get myself an Escalade
So I can get extra laid
Just kidding

Flash forward to the present day
But not like Christmas, which is a present day (get it?)
My friend pulled up, rolled down the windows he said

'Hey man'

He told me to get in, we're going out
He saw a ride that he heard about by word of mouth
Was it a Beemer, a Honda or a Prius?
A brand new Ford, or an old used Kia?

He told me to settle down
Because I was getting loud
I said hey man I only want the best
He said well I think it's a Passat to be honest

So we pulled up to the seller's home
Grass was cut short like a circumcised gnome
Knocked on the door
Knocked on the door again
Knocked on the door one mor

Alright alright, will you stop knocking
All this noise upsetting my dachshund
You here about the car? I got a lot of bidders
But here's some things that you oughta consider

The Power steering rack leaks
Disappearing back seats
Undersized front brakes
Liquefied rum cakes
Ferrets in the glove box
It's where I had my sex talk
Somethings wrong with the coils
Been ten years since I changed the oil  
Timing issues, false start
Used up tissues, children's art
Muffler cracked a mile back
Horn sounds like a duck attack
Heat is broken in the winter
Never home in time for dinner
These old tires need inflating
Caught my brother masturbating

I'm sorry, what?
Oh yeah, I haven't pumped up these tires in a long time

I only want ten grand, what do you say?
You could think about it, come back another d
I'll take it!
Oh, okay

Got my new ride gonna take it outside
For a spin, like a Beyblade let it rip on Sunday

Picking up some chicks Hopefully they drive stick
Let's turn this on ramp into a get off ramp

The boy scout in my pants (pants)
Is busy setting up his camp (camp)
Didn't see the red light, speeding by
With a semi gonna hit the semi coming up ahead

Oh shoot

Threw up in a car crash
Call me Wreck-it Ralph
Ran through the red light
Though I don't know how

Am I dead? Better check my head
Dick is fine, now to check my other head

Should've gotten the crash tested Hyundai
Guess I'm on the train, like
Jimmy Buffett's Come Monday

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