Mirror of Distress

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Okay
Lately I been seeing everything in slow motion 
Feeling like I'm going through the motions 
Feeling so conflicted in my mind it's hard to focus 
Lost in cloud of emotions 
Tryna find my way to cope with 
Cope with all this pain of a heart that's been broken
Never thought I would but I almost started smoking 
I wear a smile on my face deep inside I'm really hoping 
That you do not notice through my eyes I'm really broken 
I used to have a lot to say 
Lately I'm saying less 
I'm tired of explaining myself to those who could care less 
I can't even hold you I'm tired of feeling depressed 
Feeling overwhelmingly stressed 
I get no sleep 
I get no rest 
I feel a mess
If I'm being honest I'm a wreck 
Tryna keep my head above this water that's up to my neck 
I was always taught to never let em see you sweat 
So I let these tears spill on my pillow til its soaking wet
My heart feels frozen cold 
Feels like a whole is in my soul 
Wish I could run away but there's no where for me to go 
I been tryna hold on to somethings I should probably let go 
Gotta face this pain now 
But I can't do this on my own 

Look 
I know I'm not perfect and
I ain't even tryna be 
People see one side of me 
And really think they know me
This is only one side 
The side I let the world see
Cuz honestly they really couldn't handle my reality 
My reality is that there's really nothing good inside of me 
Wait... Wait... Wait...
Well...
I mean... 
The part of me that hates spirituality 
You know what I'm saying... like...
It's really like I'm...
It's really like I'm fighting me 
That's why I be
Outwardly masking my feelings that I'm feeling internally 
Saying that I'm feeling good when honestly I'm hurting see cuz
Honestly I really don't want you giving me sympathy and 
I just wanna be happy outwardly and inwardly 
But this 
Pain living inside of inside of me 
It ends up winning
It's something like a rollercoaster 
That's living within me 
So I just end up pretending and fake grinning 
All to hide the fact 
That I'm really struggling within and
Honestly I
Feel like I need some spiritual healing 
My mind just got so many things on it that I just can't deal with 
Enough is enough 
Lately I been feeling like giving up 
Because this walk ain't easy trust and believe that it's tough 
It's hard tryna live righteous 
Gotta obey when you don't like it 
Be a light in the midst of darkness 
Even when you're at your darkest 
Even when you heart is broken  
And tears are blurring your focus 
Even when you're at your lowest 
And no one seems to notice 
Man its hard tryna live righteous 

I be scared of failing 
Scared of losing 
Scared my heart will be abused 
Scared my words be misconstrued 
Scared to be vulnerable 
Being taken advantage of 
Taking my kindness for weakness 
Cuz it ain't weakness it's meekness 
Let me just tell the whole truth 
Fear has been controlling me 
It's poisonous its killing me 
I been tryna figure out the problem 
But I think it's me
Man 
Truth is 
I been tryna figure out the problem 
But I think it's me

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