Don't Question God (Bonus Track)

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Chanesse

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I'm just looking for answers
Or explanations or something
Feel like I gave a whole lot of me just to end up with nothing
They say everything happens for a reason
In a specific time and place but I wasn't never warned of this season
That day I cried and prayed and laid prostrate on the floor 
And begged for some peace
Begged for some healing 
Begged for renewal
Left it all there I had faith and I knew He could do it
He did it before and He could do it again
Bring you back to me let it all be alright
I'm growing tired and I'm losing this fight
I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you
You know you my light
You know you my life
Clean ya act up and be better
So we'll be alright
A week later I was sicker then a dog
In the hospital tryna fight that shit off
You came twice for thirty minutes complained how far of a drive
And I apologized: saying don't you worry about coming back
I'll be better soon, I know you're tired, go head get some sleep
Fluid filled lungs; attentions off of me
I get home
Another week at home
Steroids flowing through my body
Gained every pound I worked to lose
I hated my body
Again
For the umpth time
Told myself you a damn shame
And underneath it all
I was tired
Of everything
Of working 
Of being a mother
Of being a wife
Hell I was even tired of life
I hadn't cooked in months
House was trash
And every single fucking night at work you was showing yo ass
Embarrassing me
I wanted quit it all
But I loved you more
Figured if I gave you room  
Shit you would love me more
I guess you turned that space into freedom
My heart grew fond
Your heart said you don't need her
But I guess you turned yo space into freedom
While my heart grew fond
Your heart said you don't need her (yeah)

Can't say I've remained Ms.Goody two shoes
It's been a long couple years
Said some things I can't take back
Done some shit I ain't proud of
Guess I gave into the pressure of the shit surrounds us
Hell at one point I'd became the woman I hated
Tried to live my best life but wasn't up for the dating
Portrayed myself to be righteous, inside I knew I was faking
Living a whole double life and I really started to hate me
I ain't came back from some of it
To be honest I'm still fighting
I learned a lot about myself
And some of its honestly frightening
If I'm a keep this thang one hunnid, I'ma start off wit myself
A closet full of skeletons wit secrets I could never tell 
Shit that runs so deep it'd be hard for you to wish me well
Sins that runs so deep the saints would probably wish me HELL
Ain't wrote this here for views I wrote this here to cope 
But if it helps somebody out wit they shit well that's dope

Just two broken souls tryna make believe a happy home
When we both knew that was a dream long gone
Two years later, meditation, self reflection
 I'm proud of the woman I've come and the ways I've grown
Planted by my tribulations and all of my woes
Now take a look at this concrete rose
The things I had to stand and endure only God knows
What I had to fall and go through that shit weighs on my soul

Yo this 2018 me I hope my kids never idolize
But cussing a lot more 
And netflixing wit my idle eyes
Work and sleep and work some more nothing on this idle mind
I snooze alarm my life away, and nothing's done in ideal time 
I'm slipping
These days I don't call myself a Christian
Cause He be talking and I don't really be listening
Well more like I can't hear Him
I been away too long and I'm ashamed to come near Him

And I'm just looking for answers
Or explanations or something
Feel like I gave a whole lot of me just to end up with nothing
They say everything happens for a reason
In a specific time and place but I wasn't never warned of this season

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