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Lil Xay

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Ay, love, I been meaning to talk to you
I’m stuck between leaving and leaving it all to you
See, when we’re agreeing, my heart is beating right through you
But when you’re deceiving, my heart is bleeding, it’s true, too
This letter is composed
To the most important thing that my heart will ever hold
So I started with a goal
See, I hope that the roll of the flow will just work out
And I know that a rose is supposed to assert how
Much she mean to me but even we agree that loving just lead to bees and the birds now
It’s easily perceived to be free of grief and hurt how
You lessen people, sometimes you less than evil
Why not give everyone love if heaven’s equal?
This a message to the people and I see you
My life a movie, a doozy, you making this a regal
And the sequel is probably how you make my heart beat, too
And even though I hate you, love, you know I still need you
Oooohhhh, oooohhhh
Yeah
I know I’m the greatest, I proved that already
But you is a movement that’s holding me back
Can I lose you already?
Searching my feelings, appealing to villain cuz there’s about twenty
In my head, I’m kinda through with the using, abusing, it’s deadly
And actually, the fact of me is tragedy can be found in the absence of fallacy
Catastrophe is just as bad as you and me
Think about it
When the angels are singing loud and the mind is
So powerful because you make me wanna scream and shout when I think about it
And the thing about it is to ease my pain will please my brain
But I need the pain, you see the flame is the center of my mental
And my mental is my center, see, it all comes back around and this pencil just expresses it
But the way you lessen shit gets me pissed off
So I send you to the back of my brain
This madness is insane, your actions are to blame
It’s like knowing you got a death sentence, but you have to live with the pain
That’s the way my life is
That’s the way you made it, you crazy, you faded, you make me angry
Praising god but who stays through days of true pain?
New ways of how to wait
That’s what you want me to think
Dark, but it’s too late
Can’t stop myself for the same reason I can’t stop my health
See, death is inevitable
Yet, I’m indebted to you
Question: am I better than you?
But we’re the same, so yes
Can I ever get through to mesh with a clever group?
Maybe a test, better letter would do
But I can never get through
To you
This one to God, you know?
Where were you when my father was missing?
Where were you when I thought about slitting?
Where were you when my mama was sick and we ain’t have a dollar to give
And all of the kids was playing except for me cuz I was arguing with
Why my brain so insane
Why I go to a space in another place and I jump into different lanes like that
Who are you, anyway? Where you been at?
Sometimes I wanna chill and relax, but I never get that, damn
I been crying too long, maybe I’m trying too hard
You a force to be reckoned with, you a lion or nah?
You a coward, you supposed to be God
You supposed to be hard to figure out, I know what you are
You a liar, a burden, a fire burning inside my uncertain mind and it’s hurtin’
I’m fucking pissed off
You a tyrant, a giant, a piece of work
And if I ain’t the boss of me, then I’m certain you just a bitch, God
Damn, what if I could raise hell again?
Cuz with some of my boys, it’s like the world we living in
You ain’t God, you the devil, motherfucker
Niggas getting girls pregnant and you tell ‘em to never love ‘em so they
So they grow up fatherless with no pot to piss
Impoverished cuz papa never wanted them to start this shit
Damn, and he ain’t care about no scholarship
Cuz knowledge is real nothing if God is real
See, it comes back to you
I feel like shit so then I run back to you
You scumbag, this one rap is some fun facts about you
So I don’t think that God’s a gift
Cuz he fucks lives over and now I’m telling him to stop this shit
I was there when your mama was sick
How you think she stayed strong through the trauma and shit?
When your father was out working for commas and shit
There’s a reason, his whole life, ain’t no dollar to give
Why you pondering this?
While you was thinking about slitting, I was on a mission fixing problems and shit
You ain’t gotta be fixed
But anger’s a bottomless pit
The savior, Xavier
Think about that next time you call me a bitch
Reason your brain so insane is the same for why Jesus was picked
You have God in you through music, some call it a gift
Arguing with me won’t fix these problems you spit
It’s all about you, if you choose to move on and to live so
I’m a saint and a coward, but when it rains, it showers
The pain is ours, don’t hate my power
You made me, it’s not flipped around
You may be crazy but use it to spit your sound
Quit your down movements, you was born from the truth
And you should be using it to teach the youth
To spread love and not shoot
I’m not a gift, you’re right
It’s really the person you fight
Before your pen starts to write
Just think about your life
Yeah, nigga
Think about your life
Before your pen starts to write
Huh, think about your life

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