Closure

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Murdock

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It hits you the first time you ever fall in love
She expands my higher consciousness, you rose my up above
Like the fro that I rock, I felt so ashamed of
You told me embrace my beauty, show off who I really was
A journey to feminism, a newfound respect for women
Always had but not the genitalia to stand up and fight with em
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I suffer from madness
Mom and Pops made one of the baddest women up on this planet
But granted, met you on campus, thought you was cute
Didn't expect that senior year you'd end up on my mattress
Making love then sharing secrets, dialogue was so candid
Holding me calming me down, when my tics were bad or I'm anxious
Staring at you sleeping through the night: Perfection on canvas
And then Poof! Your pillow's empty and the night fades to blackness
No time to batten the hatches, destruction happened to Athens
I must submit to the sadness, knowing what we had turned to ashes

So I drank and I smoked
So I found my own way to cope with everything
But the thing was, I wasn't even moving forward
Instead I was standing there. Completely. Still

Now it's been months and you must think I'm out of my mind 
But I swear that I'm trying, till these new excuses I find
Of a young dumb stoner that met a fun alumn persona
Tested me in ways much harder than earning my diploma
I admit I was distracted through the plays that I acted
Thought a day off inactive, meant from the plans you'd be subtracted
I'm ashamed of senior when I just took for granted 
You're ten steps ahead of the game would have thought you just planned it
GODDAMN IT
The errors I made, I can't stand it, but we're both guilty, I preferred manic than stranded
I panic, the thought of my life without my companion's now canon
The thought I fucked up with my soulmate's one I can't even fathom
Can you imagine: You had them, loosened up your grasp 
And let them slip away cause you're too busy sitting on your ass
But I knew something was wrong cause I had an internal clash
It was all new to me, I went from 0-100 fast and I crashed

And it seemed like everything in my life at that moment had shattered all at once
But I've been picking up every single piece since
Cause I got shit to do

And now it's over a year later and I'm back on your facebook
Getting over you how long this case took
The magnitude was off the scales when this heartbreak shook
So I remind myself one last time how your face look
I swear my heart still skips a beat, you show up on my newsfeed
The memories they flood my head so quick and so profusely
Everything was going smoothly, every week we grabbin' sushi
We'd go back to theatre days and make drama our duty
Nothing but broken expectations, yelling starts so rudely
But did we both say things we regret? Oh absolutely
But I never let anybody else in that deep 
So it wasn't just you who then met the true me
But truthfully by the end I couldn't stand what I saw
How could passion so raw make us say things so wrong
When it was done I begun the journey to the man I must become
While also trying to live it up, I'm young and trying to have some fun
And I'm moving forward everyday my life has gotten better 
And I wish the same for you cause it seems like it's not when we're together
So as we go our separate ways to journey on our adventures 
The thought enters to live my life with myself in the center 
Because it's time for me right now it's time for me
It's time for me right now it's time for me right now
It's time for me right now it's time for me right now
It's time for me right now it's time for me right now
It's time for me right now it's time for me right now
It's time for me right now it's time for me right now it's

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