Mouth Breather

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Jack Stafford

John E. "Jack" Stafford (1879 – May 19, 1946) was a professional baseball umpire. Stafford, who was born in Portland, New Brunswick (now Saint John), Canada, in 1879, umpired a single game in the National League in 1906, and then umpired 131 games in the American League in 1907. He issued five ejections during his career, including future Hall of Fame inductee Sam Crawford in May 1907.Stafford reportedly lost his major league umpiring job following a disagreement with Philadelphia Athletics manager Connie Mack. Stafford was directed to stop umpiring in September 1907 by American League president Ban Johnson, days after umpiring a four-game series between Philadelphia and Boston. Stafford's position was taken by former umpire (and former player) Tom Brown for … more »

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Well his bad breath is deadly
And his teeth are decayed
His dentist is a worried man

All because he never used
His nose like he should
Things are going downhill from here

Cos he's a mouth breather
He doesn't sleep cos he's a mouth breather
My mama didn't raise no mouth breather
You look so poorly, cos you're mouth breather
Who know so many side effects?

Now his chin is receding
And his face is too thin
So much he's got an overbite

At school he's no attention
Cos he don't sleep so good
Now they got him on Ritalin

Cos he's a mouth breather
He doesn't sleep cos he's a mouth breather
My mama didn't raise no mouth breather
You look so poorly, cos you're mouth breather
Who know so many side effects?

After years of poor sleeping
Made worse by the drugs
He's failed academically

Now he's a labourer
Thinks he's a failure
He draws in a long breath

Then  lets out a deep sigh
"It's not cos I didn't try"             
If only then I had known why

Nobody saw I was a "Mouth Breather"
They could have warned me "Mouth Breather"
They should have called me a "Mouth Breather"
I would have changed 

Now I've poor immunity "Mouth Breather"
Zero opportunity "Mouth Breather"
I lost my dreams "Mouth Breather"
It's too late for me

But think of the children "Mouth Breather"
Save one of them "Mouth Breather"
Shout out to everyone "Mouth Breather"
The cycle must stop

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