Jaded

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Tell me what ya know about barely surviving week to week
Manifesting a dream that I feel I can never achieve
I need to reach an agreement
The mountain of fecies I've climbed over will leave you
Weak at the knees but I've grown so much from it that
I'm able to stand on what woulda cut my agchilles heel
From missing re payments to eat a feed I have to keep telling
Me to believe that everything works out and I'm speakin to god
But it seems like it's all on me
Im not sure why I'm put me on this path I'm calling
Asking if there's something bigger for me out here
I'm not just another quitter that's about to fuckin give up
But after some years in hardship and loaning money quicker
Than im able to recover interust
Im back into a cycle it's drowning me as i continue sinking
Further under river
And when receiving a blessing I embrace it but soon
Enough I be stressing
I go back to square one checking the grocerys total
For the bare essentials enough that I can push through
But it's testing my patiants when I been living in a less
Than standard imagine cookin a meal but the powers
Trippin in this old ass setting
Just when I get back ontop of my game im drawn
A reverse so you uno
I spiral back down to the abyss and history repeats on loop
So who knows how this scrunched up life a mine unfolds
But nevertheless I never lose hope
And even though I'm in a financial straight jacket
Only surviving for over due notices
And making ends meet should I drop out and run
Back to safety I choose no
Over time I'v found my place in feeling jaded but I
Think time I find a new home
It's me verses gravity
Success seems like a fantasy
Im jaded jaded jaded Never found
Myself able to change it change it change it
Uncomfortable and I can't take it take it take it
You learn to get by with the basics basics basics
I know if I died tomorrow the lady speaks on how
I'm chasing dreams
But he had this constant gaping leap of hurdles
Life didnt make it easy he could of gone back to his family
But wasn't prepared to throw it all away and leave
Behind what he'd been working on for days n weeks
Months n years placing seeds
Setting himself up for the future which he grinded
Out through the thick awaiting his reward
Study hard for a degree but to a degree it's bin equating
To be the very thing that's keeping me stagnant
I still ink away the shit's contagious
Iv bottled up enough soda state im in im ready
To get abit abrasive
Just a bit longer in the red things will get better
If only my vault was some like my unreleased
I'd be able to kick the debt burn it away like a cigarette
I got a shit tonne of interest in making that happen
I'm looking at my next source of income gettin anxious
Over what bills be next while tangled in a web of arrears
I'm too stressed to live cuz I live in stress
Although I prolly got no right to complain cuz I got
Some food and my rent is paid
But im hours away from any family I walk this shit myself
My leg it aches I'm not in a good enough place to do
Better I gotta make the most out of every day
And even when jaded I have to power on
And look towards center stage
Imagine being a rapper and ya parents loan ya money
Cuz you havn't earned a fucking cent to pay
For anything I get embarrassed cuz I fall behind and can't recoup the debt I made
It's me verses gravity
Success seems like a fantasy
Im jaded jaded jaded Never found
Myself able to change it change it change it
Uncomfortable and I can't take it take it take it
You learn to get by with the basics basics basics

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