Brutally Honest 2

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UnoDeuce

UnoDeuce is a musical artist known for their unique sound that combines elements of hip-hop, R&B, and electronic music. They are recognized for their introspective and thought-provoking lyrics, as well as their innovative production style. UnoDeuce has garnered a dedicated fanbase for their authenticity and creative approach to music. more »

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I don't know how to start it
I feel like my head is clouded
I feel like since I was carted
To hospital I been out of it
Tachycardia hearted
My brain is behind a shroud
Formerly high regarded
But currently feeling down
My thoughts are bouncing around in my head like it's pinball
But if I'm around a crowd it's like I could hear pins fall
I see things a little different
The image burn in my retina
Nothing there when I'm listening
What I heard was malevolent
Giving my affidavit just make it feel validated
I'm begging to get it out but this track I already hate it
I'm googling psychosis
Not telling my homies
I feel like it'd drive home the idea my mind's gone
And 23 years of living and not a speck on the record
But 24 years of living I think I'm ready to exit
Memories from today are suddenly feeling distant
The border of dream and reality is constantly shifting
I barely dream anymore and I used to keep 'em in lists
I once had feet on the floor and now I'm an apparition
My body and mind are sober
To substance I can't attribute
Decomposition of mental
I'm simply losing my grip
Maybe it's cause I'm clean and it's all psychosomatic
I look at mirror and see I'm either psycho or addict
I'm scared to go to the doctor
I don't want em to confirm it
I'm randomly getting hostile
My feelings randomly hurting
The gerbil inside my noggin is tossing and fucking turning
Religion of hypochondria
Long ago I converted
I close my eyes and the colors and shapes are extremely vivid
The internet says it's normal but I'm not really convinced
I'm thinking maybe it's something in me that's always existed
And alcohol and dissociatives only made me resist it
It's like I covered my window with mud until it was splattered
And then I wipe it away and I realize the window's shattered
I don't know which I prefer
Rather get it refurbished
House itself is okay
The attic should be repurposed
Housekeeper is a therapist
Promise to keep it furnished
Don't look inside the window it makes me extremely nervous
Is it hallucination or maybe I'm schizophrenic
Maybe it's my anxiety, all of it in my head
But I'd rather go get a medic
But now the bills are impending
I already fried my liver which drained me of every penny
Propranolol and the Antabuse
Ativan and the Xanax
With none of which that I've touched
I'm afraid it puts me in panic
Although 3 out of the 4 of 'em meant to stop it
I can't get over the fact the side effects may be what makes me manic
Or sends me over the edge
And I kinda made me a pledge
That I'd keep up the streak of sobriety for at least a second
And now it's been seven months and each second is getting tougher
And not to mention the music
This album is never coming
I keep on doing these features
But solo tracks are amounting
I'm running out of ideas
My writer's block insurmounted
The track you're currently hearing is coming from desperation
I'm on the way back from wedding
A good reminder I'm hated
These symptoms of which I've listed are opposite of abating
And now I'm getting berated by self
Why aren't you dating
I had an excuse for years
I gained a whole lotta weight
My confidence at its lowest
Despair and the self hatred
But now that I've lost it all
I'm running out of excuses
I empty my bank account and I spend each dollar on shoes
I get me designer clothes and I spray it down with perfume
I'm only making the effort for superficial improvement
Face is so fucking stupid
Weight loss is so facetious
No amount of Dasani can change the color of teeth
Hairline is going backward
Underbite going forward
My smile is fucking crooked
My stomach is fucking horrid
I'm not body dysmorphic
I'm simply stating the truth
My head is on way too tight to think of knocking it loose
I'd rather work out my issues without any medication
I feel like that'd be the cleanest
I even tried meditation
But how do I climb a mountain without any celebration
Instead to see 50 more as shoes tear at the laces
I have a hundred good friends
But have I returned the favor
Or have they returned the favor
I don't know if I'm the savior
Or if I'm the broken angel
It's hard enough to keep track
Of AA meetings each day let alone if I'm giving back
And I've always been one to check in on friends cause it's so important
But in the back of my mind I wonder if I've annoyed 'em
I don't wanna come off like I'm the one that's anointed
And Heaven knows I have issues
I hear em at each appointment
And every therapy session my doctor says I'm a hero
He can't see behind the curtains much less see into my mirror
I had a job interview and I can't believe that I missed it
That shit was my dream job and somehow was realistic
They sent me an email and even though I was looking
For messages every day
I think that I had mistook it
As spam or solicitation a month and a half late
Distressed when I called 'em back and they sealed me up with my fate
This shit is doubly awful when I been trying to move
Up out of LA to home so I get back in my groove
And that's a whole other story
This city is moving fast
I truly do love the culture but personalities clash
And my engineer is here
He's truly a fucking legend
And I had checked my IG
You'll never guess who had messaged
My number one fucking idol had hit me up with his number
He told me to hit him up so I did thinking it was nothing
He said that he's been listening
Really fucks with my music
So how in the f*ck could I ever consider moving
If I stay then I'm healthy in body but not the mind
If I move then I'm safe but my career will start declining
If I stay then I'm taking advantage of opportunity
If I leave then I'm starting the path to hopefully newer me
There's not a perfect answer
I don't think there ever was
And please don't look in my window
I'm trying to keep it shut

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