been saying these goodbyes

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Had homeless bonds that weren't sincere
Felt like many loveless homes joined by fear
Our time together was the only reason left
But without evolution a lifetime is dead
Heartbreaks got me used to goodbyes, each time more ready for the one to my life
I hope my friends have the wildest party when I die
Been saying these goodbyes
To loved ones that once were my life
Every new year I look back in tears
Been thinking as the years pass by
Will I be alive one year from now?
Every new year I toast to that fear
Been saying these goodbyes
Seen so many people I loved come and go
Barely decided when that door opened or closed
Death and betrayal took some by surprise
And letting go of worn ties set me free to rise
Held their hands for too long, couldn't carry all the weight by my own
Even buried who made me reach the sky
I prioritized myself, I'm not sorry
But I feel like you needed me and I worry
Felt in charge of your smile so love died in duty
Been saying these goodbyes
To loved ones that once were my life
Every new year I look back in tears
Been thinking as the years pass by
Will I be alive one year from now?
Every new year I toast to that fear
Been saying (ohohohhh)
Lots of my energies went with no return
Got used to feeling used like some fast porn
Wanted to be coldblooded but past burns
Cried more than when I was born, had no smiles to give back
I feel like I'm back but I was never gone
I just hoped for death in a hopeless world
Been saying these goodbyes
To loved ones that once were my life
Every new year I look back in tears
Been thinking as the years pass by
Will I be alive one year from now?
Every new year I toast to that fear
Been saying these goodbyes
Just wanna love me the way I love them, I'm getting better
The chances I gave them don't correlate with my own and I'm a rebel
Resented lessons 'cause ending myself seemed more clever
Now I'm happier than ever but never say never

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