Mr Brown

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He's alright, Mr Brown. Yeah, don't worry about him
He has been sitting up there for as long as I can remember
Yeah, he's always there, dawn till dusk
Loves to wave at the drivers coming past, especially rush hour

You know, he knows most of them by name
And, well, they often stop off, see how he's getting on
I think he's worn those bricks shiny from the years he's been sitting there
Yeah, I know, I know

I mean, most days he's as happy as Larry
Every now and again he has a bad run and starts effing and blinding like, you know
flipping the V's to people as they go past
But, yeah, you can stop and say
"Hey, Mr Brown, what's up, what's up?!?"
And he'll, you know, he'll calm right down
Says "Oh Dot, I just, I got out of bed the wrong side this morning, I really did"
And he's back to normal

So, yeah, don't worry about Mr Brown, he's alright
Yeah, he's always well turned out
There in his tweed jacket, shirt and tie, flat cap
But the funny thing is he's always got shorts on

Yeah, they've got a lovely crease ironed down them
Always shorts,  brogues and a pair of socks pulled up to mid-calf
So, yeah, he's a little bit eccentric
But he says to me, "I like to look smart, but I don't want to miss the sun
I love the sun on my knees"
And I say, "well, you're alright, Mr Brown
You're not going to get burned around here, are you?"

He's not on his own there, I mean
Jean from number 34, she visits, brings him cake or a little bottle for Christmas
And he's got his duck for company.
Yeah, he's got a pet duck, a pet duck called Martin
Lovely little fellow

He's quite unusual, to be honest
He's very well behaved
He sits there all day with Mr Brown and watches the world go by
But he, well, he did study political economy at Warwick University

I mean, he dropped out after the second year, but in fairness to him, he is a duck
A duck of few words
But he's, he's always around
Choice comments, keeps Mr Brown at bay

And, yeah, very partial to a pint is the duck, Martin
He, or is it a drake?
He's a boy, he's a drake, isn't he?
He loves to pint of Old Crafty Hen
But he can't get a little bit lippy afterwards, or beaky
And so you have to watch out
And particularly keep him away from the mince pies at Christmas, because he will not stop
And there's nothing worse than a fat duck
Or a fat drake, for that matter

Yeah, they enjoy a sing-song as well at the end of that wall
And, Jean, Mr Brown and Martin
And, you know, Bill from 13, yeah, if he's not in one of his moods, he'll come down and join in

They have a right old time of it, don't they
All the classics
And then if they really want to piss everyone off, they do a few Westlife numbers
But, I mean, personally, I think there's no need for all of that
But, you know, Mr Brown

So anyway, yeah, don't worry about Mr Brown
Give him a wave as you go past
Drop him and the bird off a drink or two at Christmas
And maybe some sunblock for those knees
And if you're ever worried, just text me and I'll talk along
Especially if he's getting a little bit spicy with the traffic

But, yeah, I'll see you later
I'm going down to meet Bill at the cafe
Yeah, not after last time
But, yeah, hopefully he'll be alright
All right, you take care then. See you later
Bye

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