You Puttem All To Shame

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Sam Steffen

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You crossed a black cat's path  when you encountered me
Somebody should have said  this here was a carnival
The only way out again's  back through the livingroom
Which you were just driven from  on account of your destiny
You, with your vacant heart  throwing your weight around
Just like you owned the joint  or like you knew someone
Making your crass remarks  into their fold-out smiles
As all of their watches chimed  and somewhere a sailor drowned
Tears like a jet-streamed sky  raking your made-up face
I caught a glimpse of you  inside the hallway meer
You looked like a vagabond  you looked like a stolen wife
Or what is the word for it?  you looked simply out of place
And as the hostess rose  shouting her lover's name
Crying for ornaments  and for a tablecloth
I saw how you fell apart  then gathered up yourself
You puttem all to shame, you puttem all to shame

Just as the matador  flung off his captain's cape
In preparation for  some kind of ritual
The astronaut cleared his throat  as if he would make a toast
Then he restrained himself  with a whole roll of plumber's tape
"I don't care what the bible says,"  shouted the bathroom stall
Addressing the minister  distributing sacraments
Out of a purse he stole  out of the parsonage
Pardoning pilferage  at no extra charge at all
Back at the ranch meanwhile  nobody'd moved a bone
The sheriff was flinging cards  into a hangman's noose
The deputy watched a fly  buzzin around the room
Drew back the velvet drapes  looked out at a parking cone
A fat lady stood and belched  saluted the flag and sang:
Somewhere a child is born  somewhere a child dies
Nobody looks at you  they don't think you're beautiful

But you puttem all to shame  you puttem all to shame
You puttem all to shame, just like a needle plunging into a vein
That carries the antidote that's full of the cure from the heart to the brain
You puttem all to shame-

Lord Alfred makes his rounds  handing out red balloons
Asking for tickets, please  saying Please Watch Your Step
Producing a handkerchief  dripping with turpentine
Peddling silverware  and stopping to smell the fumes
The emperor's crown's been caught  over the mantelpiece
A bystander claimed it was  made out of mistletoe
Lonely men gathered round  waiting for girls to come
The pianist blew trombone  his requiem masterpiece
The sofa is filling up  like it was a safety boat
With politician's wives  and the offspring of janitors
There was a pack of dogs  I think they were Sherlock Holmes'
Charging the drawbridge doors  molesting an overcoat
And you in your pleated skirt  looking so torn apart
How did your hair get wet?  it's not even raining out
I could have kissed you then  you would have hated me
You puttem all to shame, you puttem all to shame

Up at the podium  the weatherman prophesies
All bets are off this year  blaming technology
The postman has been delayed  due to the hurricane
Just then some legs walked in  in search of a centipede
The judge entered, wig-and-all  some people stood and cheered
Others threw fruit at him  others forget-me-nots
His gavel was in his hand  his sword hanging by his side
His breath smelled of bubblegum  bacon grease in his beard
And people have asked before  what is it I see in you
I always respond to them  well isn't it obvious?
You held a parasol  under a chandelier
You lit your cigarette  in the coals of a barbecue
It was your corkscrew gaze  meeting my tailspin frame
That was the moment when  I knew you were the one
They were the best of theirs  you were no match for them
You put em all to shame  you puttem all to shame

You puttem all to shame,
just like a lost child that nobody claims
Whose manifest radiance is offered to everyone and then goes down the drain

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