Rod And Todd

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The Prophet Obblonge

Erupting with preaching performances, The Prophet Obblonge explains, proclaims, transmutes, and delivers clarity to the masses for their edification and to bring awareness to the still uncertain fate of his beloved fiancé, last seen with a white supremacist narcissistic abuser in Michigan. Fans of horror fiction, true life drama, comedy, and pointed social commentary alike find Obblonge’s insightful, exasperated gospel to be an invigorating, motivating experience presented without fear of reproach or regret. What’s your problem? Issues resolved. Crises averted. Wonders explained. Be amazed. Lost? Depressed? Questions? The answers are waiting…. Everything is the repetition offa pattern. Everything. You can pretend you have free will. You can pretend you hav… more »

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So, I'm sitting on my front steps again, waiting for some guy named Rod
To pull up in a moving vehicle
I've never met Rod, but I hate him
Him and everyone else named Rod

And Todd
F*ck Todd's too
Rod and Todd can go outside and play hide and go f*ck themselves
How are you this horrible morning

I hear a siren already
Maybe Rod is getting arrested

Chewing Tootsie Rolls and smoking and thinking maybe Rod should get into an accident
Involving a train carrying 2 million tons of coal
I'm about to see school buses going by
F*ck Rod
These texts are brought to you by the letters F*ck Rod

I bet Rod has kids that look just like him
F*ck them too
Have I mentioned that I hate people
Individually and as a group

Especially guys named Rod
So one day a guy named Rod woke up and decided to be late
It was his life's dream
A realization of everything he had always envisioned for the future

I'm going to be late today, he thought
It was the first thing he had thought in a long, long, long time
The last thing he had thought was I like football
That was in 1992
That was a good thought

But this new thought
I'm going to be late, that was a keeper
I think I'm going to think this new thought, he mused, not realizing that was also a thought
He wasn't very good at thinking

So this guy with uncreative parents named Michael was sitting on his front steps
He was thinking intensely
About how much he hated Rod and Todd
He was thinking maybe I should go inside and play hide and go f*ck myself

It was a good thought
He had many thoughts like these
So I'm going to stand here like a person who stands around and waits
Remembering that it is spring break and there aren't going to be any buses

This did not make him any happier
Nothing made him happier
Michael, whose parents were uncreative, had an attitude problem
His attitude needed adjusting, but it was spring break and all the attitude adjusters

Were staring at tits on a beach somewhere far, far away from Michael's front steps
They were all also named Rod and Todd, coincidentally
So this guy Michael was hating everything and everybody, even guys named Rod and Todd

He was going to do this for 10 more minutes
At 830 on the dot, he is going to go back inside and f*ck himself
There wasn't anyone else inside to f*ck
Rod and Todd had injured them all in car accidents

And they were recovering on a beach somewhere far, far away from Michael's front steps
Seven more minutes until I am fucking myself, he thought, not bothering with the quotation marks

Six more typing
It is now 830
Michael has sent his former employer, who never paid him
A message saying f*ck Rod and everyone else that looks like him

Michael has a bad attitude
It is cool and dark inside, like a dead vagina, but smells better, he muses
Not using quotation marks

So how's the weather
I hear it's sunny at the beach
I hate the sun
It makes things hot

It's probably named Todd

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