Double Booked

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Your words were coming in too slow, like
I could see the hesitation when you typed
I already knew dinner was off for the night
You already made the choice, and just trying to be delicate and kind
When they finally came, I could read between the lines

"Oh, shit, I double booked," Ha!
"I don't want to lose this friendship
but I know I've been stringing you along
You and I both see the hypocrisy in the precept
The concept isn't fair - what we demand but accept"

It's alright, lady, it's okay
I can pretend I don't exist today
F*ck, I don't really think I do anyway
Every time you cast a glance, babe
I'll swim over and take the bait
Hey, wait

I hate drawing boundaries where I want openness
I hate fucking forcing rhymes, just pretend I rhymed with this
You ain't losing a friend, it's just right now I'm kinda fuckin' pissed

No, I ain't opening that link, some bullshit about energies
The energy you're giving me right now is fucked and I know you see
Just slap some paint and glitter on it and call it fucking art, yeah?
Smooth over the rough edges and pray it don't fall apart, yeah?

I just don't understand how it always ends up right back here
And I'm not just talking about you, I'm talking about everything, my dear
I'm tired of being that fucking top shelf oddity that only gets toyed with for comfort
Thrown back on the shelf and forgotten once I'm done helping with what hurt

It's alright, lady, it's okay
I can pretend I don't fucking exist today
God damn it, I really don't anyway
But one of these days you're gonna cast a glance, babe
And I ain't swimming over to take that bait
It's too late

I fucking hate drawing boundaries where I want openness
I hate forcing rhymes, I'm just saying fucking f*ck this
You ain't losing a friend, lady, it's just right now I'm kinda fuckin' pissed

And to be clear, I ain't even fuckin' mad about
Some bullshit about how I feel like I'm missing out
I mean, you're a goddamned dream and I'd be lucky to have you
But what pisses me of is you refuse to see it and you let him use you

Don't choose me, I really don't give a f*ck, that's not the point
The point is that you throw yourself at the feet of that selfish, little boy
And then you cry about it, tell me how you're not appreciated, and
I appreciate it, the opportunity to always pick you up again

I give you a hug, pat you on the back
Then you go f*ck the guy that reminds you of your dad
And I'll be here, just twiddling my thumbs
Cause you know, dear, I'm just fucking dumb

At least, that's what my sister would say if I really told her about this thing
But when she brings you up I just change the subject or keep it vague
"Yeah, I agree, she's kinda fucking awesome, I hope one day she sees it"
There's nothing sadder than a bird that can fly but don't believe it

But it's alright, baby, it's okay
All that exists is what we choose to see, okay?
And you feel connected to me but you don't see my face
At least not any more than a glance you cast my way
But I ain't a fuckin' fish, I use my scales for weight
And I'm judging the motherfucker that made you feel this way

All I want is openness
I'm just fucking frustrated with this changing maze of fences
You'll never lose this friend, I just really needed to vent this

I worry all the time about my energy being right for you, but I'm not worried about this song
(Because you'll never hear it)
Because you don't even listen to the shit I make, you just want me to see what you have done
(Show me what you got)
Because you make all these pretty things and he's just completely blind to the beauty
So I feel compelled to pump you up, like it's my goddamned duty

And that's okay, I'll build you back up every time he tears you the f*ck down
Someone has to believe in you, because you sure as f*ck don't now
(and he don't either)
You sure as f*ck don't right now
F*ck

You know, you could be anything you wanted to
That shit's not true for everyone, but I believe it for you
But we accept the life we think we deserve and don't dare reach for more
We build these rooms in our mind to hold our dreams, and then we lock the fucking door
We accept the love we think we deserve and it's a goddamned tragedy
That you believe in someone who just leeches off of your vitality
The reality, my dear, the depravity of the banality that you let him put on you
You're a fucking muse, an embodiment of creation and beauty itself
It's a new kind of hell, for me, to watch you let him put you on a shelf
And  I'm sorry for these words
I really am
But, as your friend
You really need to start fucking believing in yourself

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