How to Make Sense of a Midnight

Follow 0 fans

Catie Trainor

4:26

1 View

Playlists:

#1

 Watch: New Singing Lesson Videos Can Make Anyone A Great Singer

I wonder when the genius of the poet becomes calcified in mental illness
I wonder when the ache stops feeling romantic

When spending all my money on books is less of a novelty and more of just a cheap date
Regardless if I can write her a poem on how I fossilized her taste inside of my teeth

I guess no one ever told me about the spaces I would sink into have I fell from the high of healing

Once my therapist leaves to start her own private practice
After the poems have reached one hundred thousand women

While some are baptized in the blood of christ, I was baptized in the full knowledge of my life
And my own blood, was everywhere

And it was my birthday last month, by the way
I am two years old and learning how to walk again

And upon discovery,
It's not that I dislike the color of the original wallpaper sealed inside this home of a body
It's just that I didn't get to choose it

And repressed memories are quite simple, really
You don't remember, until you do

And most days, I am more Sylvia Plath than anything
Full bodied poems shrinking in size the further you read
An emaciated beast born out of breath from stolen heartbeats

Because sometimes an angel devours her halo
And I've been staring at the world through tears so long, it's been like peering through a marble

You quit college for a job at the local pub down the street for a quick 200 bucks
Weeks turn to months, turn to years, and before you know it, an entire life goes by and you never wrote the book

Compounded trauma leaving fault lines of scar tissue
Like some sort of fucked up hopscotch pattern that in order to survive you have to skip through

And when my mind finally shattered
Each mirrored shard on the ground each held an image of a mouth that looked like my own

Speaking in tongues, each claiming they know the road to lead me back home
I glue them back onto my face, a girl turned Freinkenstein, only half way through my life was I ever born

And as a woman, I have learned that you never have to fight for a seat at a table you built
And I would take picking carpentry out of my teeth over cis men in suits cutting me off while I'm speaking

Admittedly
I sometimes sit in the corner of a room
And watch how its inhabitants orbit around with their jewel-toned auras
All hyper-imposing impressions on each other, and I wonder if we even realize
How we walk around with little pieces of everyone else tangled up in our hair

And I know that I'm not always the loudest person in the room, but if you listen closely there are kingdoms here

An executive thought I didn't have much to say when I was just nervous
But two poems had written themselves in my mind before he had the chance to finish his sentence
And I know that I am an odd person, but I would carve out my molars for entertainment

You grand canyon heart, you unravel like a Christmas package
You're the satin ribbon spiraling off ankle bones of ballerinas

There you stood in the center of the tracks
Redirecting the train of your life with your right hand while tending gardens with your left
Of course you are tired, even light benders need a rest

Cut open my cover and I'm bleeding out poetry, pure God-source in this bottle of a body
Some nights I am all ghost child, haunting all the wells, inhabiting the wishes
Others I am daughter of sunkeep, sipping up the rainbows, spilling sunrise from a zipper
I have bottled elixirs that taste like the sun

I've said it before, I don't write the poems, I just sip on the river of wherever they come from
And In my 72 hour holds I've learned that snowflakes are the strong ones
Holding portals to other worlds that melt too fast for us to see them

Where my blood has once spilt, a crimson red garden has taken its place
I'm reading my books like I'm tracking my poems, in one take

I am learning the difference between momentary pleasure and lasting contentment
I am learning to let go of the fear my mother is comforting me on her way to the casket

I am learning that forgiveness and accountability can coexist
Your honor, his name is Dean and he did it

I am learning how to reclaim a stolen life
In other words, how to make sense of a midnight

 Become A Better Singer In Only 30 Days, With Easy Video Lessons!