digging

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4est green

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Between my finger and my thumb, the squat pen rests, snug as a gun
Under my window, a clean rasping sound, when the spade sinks into gravelly ground
My father digging

It's young 4est, but still an old soul
Trying to work out my purpose or rolls
All these blunders been taking their toles
I stay digging, I'm close to the gold
Plead myself to keep going, I'll go
Morals solid, keep going, although
I be thinking the answer is no
On myself though, I could never fold
Second guess, and I hope no one tries me
I get high to escape my anxieties
Keep the pen moving cause it's providing me
A view to that shine that's inside of me
It's always been there, now I'm waking
I get nervous and I get to shaking
Just trying to be humanly gracious
In the past, I got way too complacent
In my head, I've been trapped hella times
I'm returning but taking my time
Never getting too low or too high
Trying to bring all my entries to life
Trying to heal and just be alright
Ups and downs, ebbs and flows, they be tiring
At least now I'm glad I'm alive
I done came a long way, am I right?

But I've no spade to follow men like them

Between my finger and my thumb, the squat pen rests
I'll dig with it

My grandfather's a man I admire
My brother as well pushed me higher
My father is my strongest fighter
My boy Josh is a comfort provider
Trying to be more like them and less dire
Keep that flame alive, stoking that fire
I be thinking I need to be quieter
I be trying to find folks who inspire
Look within and at first I'm appalled
Cause I'm faced with gargantuan walls
Trying to climb them, I'm certain to fall
Need a cig, now I'm having withdrawals
In my head with myself, I be sparring
Talk myself down, I stay in the margins
Despite all that bilge and bombardment
Not alone when I walk through the darkness
Not alone when alone cause I got me
Flaws and sins in the package I'm offering
All that hurting, it came with some scarring
Now I'm quick to detect what's alarming
I got love for you if you a artist
Got no love for the police department
The skin on my hands start to harden
To be honest, I'm just getting started
Keep a pistol in the glove compartment
I been made to feel small and a target
But that tool is a pen like the spade is
I keep digging my way back to basics

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