Cole
Exit Se7en
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If you decide you hate me then I'll take that choice, but I gotta tell you my story before you take make that choice, son You gotta understand, yeah, I need you to believe Even though I wasn't there, I never chose to leave The problem is that I don't even know where to begin Because I don't even know what all your mother has said And I don't want to cast any blame or point a finger I just don't want your father to be such a fucking stranger So, I have to start way back at the very beginning It's the only way we can make any sense of the ending So, let's take a pause here Alright When your mother got pregnant she broke up with me She packed all her bags and drove back to Boise She said she still loved me but needed her family And I was like, alright But of course I wasn't about to just give up my son So I did exactly what I thought should be done I worked my ass off and I saved every cent I sold everything I owned and away I went It took me a few months to save up the money I needed In the meantime she was calling me every night to fall asleep, it Made me think that she wanted me to step up and make a family And that was what I wanted, it was the only goal I could see it Was confusing in the end, though, because I called up a mutual friend, like, "yo This is going to be romantic as shit Ask her to hang out and I'll make a surprise visit!" So I got on the Grey Hound for the first time Said goodbye to my family for what I thought might be the last time Three days later I'm downtown for the first time And I'm with your mother at a diner around lunch time Then I sat there for an hour in the booth dude While she locked herself cryin' in the bathroom When she finally talked to me later, she told me please don't hate her But her mother didn't like me and she really didn't expect me To move up to Boise, and how could I be a father if I didn't have any money? And I sat there sipping water thinking, "am I going crazy? For six or seven months she has been talking to me Telling me that she really loved me and she wanted to be a family" And then she also tells me that she was feeling lonely, so she's seen some other guys She was really truly sorry, but if I make some money then maybe she could be with me She'd talk to her father who owned a boat on the water So one week later I'm on an plane for the first time Got into Seattle right around breakfast time I caught the airport shuttle for the first time Started working on the boat around lunch time for the first time A few days later it was go time Took that boat up the coast line then into the Bering Sea We were so far out in the ocean we were halfway to being Russian My beard was always icy and the swells were forty feet We slept four hours a day killing fish for a fee Two months later on the second offload The captain gives me a letter from your mother, says "I know It's hard out there but hang on it's gonna be worth it Oh and I slept with someone again, I know you don't deserve it And I'm sorry about that, but you weren't around and I needed somebody like that And we can talk about it when you get back But I decided to name him Caleb, I know you don't like that But if you keep on saying it, I think it'll sound right, yeah?" If you keep saying it, I think it'll sound right, yeah? So I pulled out my phone and checked my voicemail There's a message from her saying, "Hey, I hope you're well But you have a son as of two days ago now So it's time to get back here and quit playing around" And in the background, I can hear the sound Of a two-day old you sayin' "gaa gaa goo" And right then all I could think of was you I really didn't care what she chose to do Like, even though she kept saying that she loved me She kept saying that she couldn't be with me And her actions matched her words quite obviously So I just figured that she was probably just lonely and she really didn't want me And I thought to myself none of this matters now It's not the family I dreamt of but it's my family now We can be cool and we can be friendly and we can have our own unconventional family The only thing that matters is Caleb himself I'd get back to Boise or I'd go to hell But I wouldn't give up on being his dad I was so goddamned glad to be the father I never had Soon as I got back I knew I was in trouble though She wouldn't let me hold you unless she was in the room, yo But I kept my mouth shut, I smiled and obeyed though When she left the room I just looked at you from the cradle, yo Like, she literally wouldn't even let me change your diaper And what am I supposed to do? Fucking fight her? Hell no She was stressed out so I said, "hey I get it" Even though I really fucking didn't And it hurt so fucking bad but I knew it wouldn't help if I acted mad I played along, accepted the welts I guess I was dad from a distance, through the resistance Two nights later I'm in the hotel I get a message saying that you wasn't well You had some kind of lump on your neck Could I meet her at the hospital just to check? Here's where shit got really fucked up You were going to be okay, they could just remove the lump But you had to stay in PICU and they wouldn't let me see you Your great aunt told me that she was more important Because of the limited space and I should just forfeit And your mother just sat there staring me like, "What dude? Just go wait your ass in the fucking waiting room" And I did For days I waited Then the next day she sent me a message from inside your room she's like "Can you get me breakfast? Oh and John's here too, you remember John? He's the one I was sleeping with while you were gone? He's hungry too, so if you don't mind If you got his too it'd be really kind" And I fucking did I went to the restaurant and got them some food I slinked my sorry ass into your room I smiled and I handed over the food I even said a polite, "How's it going, dude?" Your mom smiled back and said "thank you But you gotta go now, because you know there's no room" So then I said f*ck it, I guess I'm not wanted But I kept it polite, I smiled and fronted I said, "the hotel's expensive so what I think I should do, is Go find a home and set up a room for when he comes over And get the fridge full of food, if I'm going to be a father first I need electric and water If there's anything that you need me to do, just let me know and I'll come running to you" But the next day the doctor took a look at you They said you were all better there's nothing else they need to do Hey, you remember that mutual friend I mentioned back when this song began? That was Hannah, and Hannah went bananas because she ended up on heroin Hannah had another mutual friend with your mother, her name was Brianna And at the time I didn't know her But she sent me a message and asked if we could meet To talk about helping Hannah, so we got coffee on 8th street Well, me and Brianna ended up hitting it off And your mom caught wind of it and ended up cutting me off From seeing you and when I asked why she said I already knew She said I cheated on her and I couldn't be your father if that's the type of shit I'm prone To do I swear to god I'm not making this shit up It went down exactly like this, it was that fucked up Then she started telling the whole town that we had been together And that we had a family and I turned out to be a bastard And I cheated on her with her best friend Who, I should mention, she hadn't hung out with since she was like fucking ten I don't know, maybe not that long, but I know it had been years Like, they didn't talk and they had different peers And the only reason they knew each other Is because they went to the same church when they were younger Anyway, I'd meet people and they'd be like, "oh, you're that asshole?" And I was just so fucking confused because I had tried to be with her And I made every excuse for all of her behavior and emotional abuse Like, we lived together before she was pregnant with you And every other weekend I'd pick her up drunk fro
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"Cole Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/12452339/Exit+Se7en/Cole>.
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