Not Your Fault

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Bradley Evans

7:33

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I never thought they'd come a day that I would write this
I mean how the f*ck do you describe it
My uncle hung himself and my cousin had to find him
The neighbor cut him down whilst my cousin's fucking crying
He's screaming Jodie hurry up come to mine quick
My dad's hung himself and I don't think he'll survive this
She's beating on his chest trying to revive him
There's tears in her eyes but she has to hide it
Jaeden's blaming himself blaming his girl
Blaming his bother blaming his mother blaming the world
Jodie rings my mother saying Tracey David's dying
My mother rushes up praying he's alive then
As she gets there Jaeden's crying in the street
Police are tryna stop him but he's blinded by his grief
And while leaden scream his brother shows up
The shock horror of it all silenced his speech
He says I FaceTimed him before
And before he knew it he curl up on the floor
My mother embrace him as tears began to pour
He screams out dad! I could've done more
Snasha's hairs wet and the baby's getting cold
Jodie's full of sweat tryna save David's his soul
My mother steps up and take the babies home
And promise them both she change the babies clothes
And all the while Kelly yet to find out
She's gone to town to enjoy a night out
The cousin ben had to go a drive out
Coz her phone's switched off f*ck why now
And as he pulls up the truth speaks through his eyes
I'm sorry Kelly David's has committed suicide
She tried to hold her tears as they seeped through her eyes
My cousin holds her up and she screams to the sky

Coz it's all my fault
Coz it's all my fault
Coz it's all my fault
Coz it's all my fault

The paramedics take his body to the hospice 
They all follow dis-believing that they've lost him
Jaeden in denial believing they can stop this
All a while Morgan knows they can't stop this
They place his body up on ICU
Fed him with adrenaline through an IV tube.
Tryna get his brain to work but the nurse
Has confirmed that the worst outcome is more than likely true
Jaeden cries out there's no way that's my dad
And don't tell me there ain't no way back from that
The pain in his voice echo's through the whole ward
Kelly so saddened by the shock of it all
She can't speak but the eyes never lie
Jodie like a daughter hasn't left her side
They're in the waiting room only 3 at a time
Can see David's body while the rest wait outside
Three go in three go out
Saying the same old thing with the same old doubt
That's not my dad
That's not my man
That's not my lad
Please dad come back
Wake up but David's Hypoxic
There's no life in his eyes nothing
There no sign he's alive nothing
There's no sign he'll survive nothing
I was sat at home when I got the phone call
I knew when I heard the sound of my mother voice
It was bad news and knew that what she'd say
Would stick with me for life like a tattoo
Son I have some bad news
It breaks my heart that I have to tell you
That uncle David hung himself
And your cousin Jaeden found him hanging in the fucking shed
Man I couldn't fathom what I heard
I put the phone down and didn't say a word
Just starred at the floor I couldn't even cry
He told me he would be there at my fucking next fight
I collapse on the floor and looked to the ceiling
The same way David did before he gave in to his demos
Except I'm still alive wishing I was fucking dreaming
I was thinking God why on earth am I fucking breathing

Coz it's all my fault
Coz it's all my fault
Coz it's all my fault
Coz it's all my fault

When I got home my mum was drinking again
I could tell she only had a drink to suppress all the things in her head
She looked so sad
There were tears in my eyes that I had to hold back
So I went to bed but didn't sleep much
The next day I didn't eat much
We arrived at the hospital tryna keep tough
But as soon as I saw Jaeden I just welled up
I kissed on the head I told him that I love you
It broke my heart not knowing what I could do
And all I could do why make them chicken wraps
With the favorite sauce to try and put em in a good mood
And even though David's in a better place
I'd never seen true sadness till I saw Kellys face
She couldn't even talk Jodie was in a state
Please can you help her I don't know what to say
She broke down in my arms i consoled her
And told her soon this will all be over
And she weeped quietly on my shoulder
I said to her Jodie you've been a solider
And as she cried Morgan stormed out the ward
Face full of tears and struggling to talk
I found them outside both crying
Both trying to at least make sense of it all
Morgan held Jaeden tight in his arms
Holding back his tear tryna stay calm
They looked lost children
And swear that I'll take that pain to my grave to the day that my heart stop beating
They won't be a day that goes by where I'll not be grieving
David how could you leave them
And before I could feel any anger it was my turn to see him
I walked in and I knew that it was bad
Started thinking bout the last chat that we had
And the fact that those lads now don't have a dad
And Kelly has to live the rest of her life with that
There were marks on his neck
His eyes both black and scars on his head
I guess when you cut someone down and there body hits the ground
The impact surely has an effect
Oh f*ck I placed my hand on his head
Told him I was sorry that I didn't read his texts
And didn't read the signs in the words that he said
That lead to him dying on this hospital bed
David I'm so sorry that your dead
This day will haunt me till we meet again
April 9th is a day that I'll never forget
You was loved by many now so many regret
So I sing to you

And I hope you find a way through the darkness
And I hope you're not alone going through this
And I hope you find your mother and your father
As they guide you to your home

These next lines are a promise to you
I promise from now on I'll be honest and true
I promise that your sons will carry on without you
And both your grandkids will feel like they're nothing to you
I promise that I'll tell em bout the man that you was
How you'd always dancing like your the happiest one
I wish you could told me bout the shit on your mind
I'd rather hear you cry than hearing that you've died
And Kelly I make a promise to you
I'll always be here when the days ain't clear
When Davids voice is all you're wanting to hear
And offer you a napkin when your flooded with tears
I know feel guilty and I know it's a lot
I know losing David is a terrible loss
Just know I love you Kelly and that is the truth
And if I ever make it
I did it for you

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