Q u e s t i o n s U n b e a r a b l e

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Mich'ane

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I pray I don't sway too much from what I wanna say, I'm just being true.(hahahah)
Yeah, my feelings are huge.
You can feel it in you.
I do this once in a while, but I question the truth.
Why does living in this life tryna' sever the youth?
They wake up every single morning tryna' pout at the room.
Keep looking at the skies thinking "what should I do?"
"Do I make a dirty living out this jungle I'm through?"
"Point a gun to a nigga, and then tell him to choose, life or death, while I stand and he pay for my dues?"
I won't lie, I've lived a dirty life up this moment.
Stayed in the streets, while my parents were burdened.
After several long years, they were 'prolly just done with.
Told me "son, boy, you should try to be hunid"
I'm gonna bring a baby mama so your life won't be done with.
"I'ma show you I'm your dad, and I'm ready to throw it"
Didn't know what he meant, but I fucking just nodded.
After a few several month, then he brought me a mother.
Guess what..!
She stayed for a year and I thought she was so cool.
We played all a while, but damn, I'm a fool.
I never knew what it's like when you hiding the truth.
Smiles on your face, while your thinking are huge.
Wanted my life, and my family too!
Told me "boy, you just dumb and I'm using you too".
"I want to take your dad, and his family too"
"You just an option that I pick when I'm baiting the food"
Was I wrong? Was I dumb?
Was I being a fool?
I opened all my heart, but it's shattered in two.
Was I looking for the love that my mother should bloom?
Was I looking for a way just to handle the truth?
Was I being too pained or just toughing it through?
Was my life on the edge while my feelings are through?
Was I thinking too much for this family cruise?
I'm not okay, but I know I've been living it through!
So I took a little knife, and then point it at her.
C'mon bitch, tell me what it is you blabbering at?
You gon' take my whole life, and my family too?
You think I'm calm 'cause it's been like a year or a two?
She said "so, what is it that you think gon' do?"
"You ain't got the fuckin' guts tryna pull with that move".
"If you want, we could sit and then try out that route"
I told her "bitch, don't you dare tryna' play with mood!"
She said "oh, yeah! You just acting so rude"
"I could give you all the shit when I'm dishing your food"
"And not even an ant is gon' notice your mood"
I asked her why?
She said "Damn, this nigga a fool"
"He couldn't notice what I'm planning just by thinking it through"
"Or maybe he's "prolly damn fucked, he just playing it cool"
"Or maybe being dumb runs in the family too?"
"What is it that this nigga even want me to do?"
It's 'prolly crazy how I'm writing this through. 
My feelings ain't the same with the words that I spew. 
She made a whole lotta mess, and I know I'm a fool.
But my Dad begged me "son, please hol' on your mood"
"You don't have to act, she a family too"
I was like hol' up, damn, she a family too?
He said "you thinkin' too much, what the f*ck we gon' do?" 
Drive her out the house, there are options to choose.
I pray to God with my soul, and ask for the truth.
'cause this life I'm living ain't bearing a fruit.
Would I be living that long just to find out that Truth?
Was my living all a lie? Is there even a clue?
Are there thoughts that I'm missing? Am I thinking this through?
Is there a path I should take just to find me that route?
Am I even in this world? Is this family true?
Are there people in this life who would pay for my dues?
These are thoughts that I bear when I'm thinking it through.
All those days that I spent just sulking in room.
Thinkin' how I should I die not to burden "them" too.
'cause I'm sitting all alone while my thoughts are just full.
They've been asking for a leave, they've been hitting me through. 
"Please let me out!" They've been shouting that too!
I can't help it, 'cause this burden is just too much for me.
I'm still young, but my thoughts are not coming off clean.
I've stayed in this rap, just to lessen my feels.
But nothin' comes off clean, even memories don't heal.
They open every time I just think about me.
All the sins, all my thoughts, all these Severing rage.
Where I put 'em ain't enough, so I'm bathing in pain.
I felt like life ain't worth, let's cut out that vein.
You know my life was dirt, and I'm living the same.
Nothing has changed, even growth's the same. 
Oh God!

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