PB Jones' Tour

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Skyler Chin & Sita Sunil

3:01

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Ha ha ha!
Now you may know Ellis Island and Lady Liberty
Give me your poor, tired masses
Ha! A load of crap they're giving me
Europeans had a 60 second physical
Are you kidding me?
Angel Island is the guardian of the western gate
We don't do that on this coast
I'm PB Jones, the Angel of Angel Island
Don't you dare apply now for your fake and vain asylum
I'm PB Jones, I'll acquaint you with my lair but first
Step off from the ferry for a welcome to America
Yes guards, don't be afraid to be too rough
Our purpose is to make sure they never set foot on the mainland
First things first was a grueling physical
They herded all the men, scared us to bits
Only Chinese got this kind of treatment
They made us strip down and examined our–
Fun fact!
They combed through our poop looking for special parasites
Fun fact!
Hookworm is common among human beings and easily treatable
Fun fact!
They assigned us prisoner numbers
I was 7-24
Fun fact!
Non-Asians are free to go
Then came the weird-ass tour
I'll give you men a tour before we place you in detention
Some things inside these harrowed halls are too depraved to mention
State of the art interrogation rooms, we're never lazy here
We don't take your lai see here
I heard Chinese go crazy here
I'm PB Jones, the angel of Angel Island
I protect my country from those hungry to defile it
Oh, PB Jones, they will tell you that my lair's the worst
Critics rave for days about my welcome to America
What happened to Kee Lin? This place is giving me the creeps
Stay in the men's barracks, you lecherous Chinaman
Ow!
What are you doing here, Kee Lin, we thought you were with the women!
Is that your brother's suit?
Yeah, I put it on so they'd put me with you losers, ay
Only a little walk more
You'll see your prison numbers and the date
On this big imposing chalkboard
This chalkboard will seal your fate
Board of Special Inquiry (That means interrogation)
Deportation (Deportation?)
Or San Francisco (What?)
Board of Special Inquiry (That means interrogation)
Deportation (Deportation?)
Or San Francisco (What?)
Now onward, men–to detention
Wait, that's Fat Pork's number on the chalkboard
That means he's going to be interrogated tomorrow
We have to find a way to find out what questions they ask him
Hey, you guys coming or what?

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