Anhedonia

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Agora

The agora (; Ancient Greek: ἀγορά agorá) was a central public space in ancient Greek city-states. It is the best representation of a city-state's response to accommodate the social and political order of the polis. The literal meaning of the word "agora" is "gathering place" or "assembly". The agora was the center of the athletic, artistic, business, social, spiritual and political life in the city. The Ancient Agora of Athens is the best-known example. more »

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Same shit every fucking day
Always the same shit every fucking day man
I wake up
Another fucking suicidal thought on how I should
It's always the same shit
Fucking hell

And it's always the same shit
Cannot get a day where I'm without it
But I know it's gonna happen
So I try to make it painless
It taints the image of living period so I hate it
Exclaiming that I wanna kill myself
But instead I leave the place I'm at
Hateful, disheveled,
And on the brink of a panic attack
Waiting to level it out
So I distract by writing music to move from my past
And from the present 'cause everything is just pressure
And holds me back
In fact
I hate people who have everything I want
A mother, a father, a cousin, a family to flaunt
'Cause all that I've ever had is myself
And that's caused mental health to devolve and regress
'Till I just need to be alone again
'Lone for a while to get my to get my head out the rubble
Up out the casket I fancy myself just living in
So I can smile it's music for awhile
To get my head out reality so I'm not a cemetery resident
Done existing, away from the shit I'm living for
No longer sentient a memory of what was
So I battle the chemical imbalances in my blood
So I get to stay with everyone breathing that I love
But it's been rough

And who am I to blame
Who am I to blame
Is it my biology?
I need etymology so I know just how to name this shit
'Cause everything's been crazy lately
I might not even have a place to stay at
Can't get a job so I'm debating maybe
Should end it all so it'd only be a grave I'm taking
Not wasting space anymore
Free up the floor and then fade
'Cause ain't nobody gon' miss me if I just exit today
I got no family, friends, or foes that would ask me to stay
Somebody'd come and take my place
And I'd be up on my way
And that's when I remember that I promised her I'd stay

Suicidal daze, keep a knife tucked
Wanna take my life
But reminded of who it is that I love
Who had stayed by when I tried
Who had calmed me down and took time to reprise some
Prior memories that this life's good
Vying me to not leave 'cause she wanna be my wife soon
So in a typhoon of emotion
I try to reach a better mind
I been trying for a while
But it seems I can't get it
I might as well give up and pay a lil visit to almighty god
That man who left us to live in our rot
Fighting for scraps in the dark
Might just go see a Nirvana concert
Get piano lessons from Bach
Entropy stop, out of my head
No need to take any meds or to plot on depression no more

My days pretty much consist of wake up
Sit in the same place and contemplate life for a few minutes
Contemplate whatever dream I just had
Go downstairs, find my thirty milligram Duloxetine,
Sixty milligram Duloxetine, and ten milligram Buspirione
Take it
Almost throw up because of the flavor of the Buspirone when it hits my tongue
And then go throughout my day
And I hate taking it but people tolerate me more when I do, so, I don't have a choice in the Matter

Yuh
Anhedonia constant
I can't stop it even if I wish I could
Riding 'round town with a monster living in my noggin
Taking everything that's good when I'm trying to live
Tryna survive my own mind
But despite all my trials I'm still sure to die as a kid
Sinking to depths
Deeper than this depression I been blessed with

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