Bruh, It's Cold AF Outside

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Xander Beersmoker

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I really can't stay
Baby, it's cold outside
I've got to go away
Baby, it's cold outside
This evening has been
Hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice
I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry
Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to that fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry
Beautiful, what's your hurry
But maybe just a half a drink more
I'll put some records on while I pour
The neighbors might think
Baby, it's bad out there
What's in this drink
No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell
I'll take your hat
Your hair looks swell
I ought to say, no, no, girl
Mind if I move in closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay
Baby, don't hold out
Baby, it's cold outside

Merry Christmas to the ones who like me
Wait, that's no one
Mistletoe's no fun when you're stuck, twiddle thumb, in the kitchen corner
Thrashed on eggnog
Could somebody fill my cup once again
Finna get fucked up
Now that's a mother fucking Christmas party

It's Christmas Eve and I'm stuck inside of my head
I'm all alone in this home by myself once again
This shit sucks so bad
I want to go out and get fucked up again
But what good's the effort when you come home colder than snow

There's a gingerbread man in my drink
Holy fucking Santa balls, that's forty levels of fucked up
This shit's a Pilsner
It's not your mocha, Coco Puff bullshit
I can't have one good thing for Christmas

Oh, shit, I turn 30 in 11 days
They say you stay the same from here to the grave
Guess I'm stuck as this sad twig, crunchy and sans wit
Dissecting words like a surgeon cutting corners

I'm singing myself to sleep
Got me all weak, these emo beats, comparting the soul into three
Santa Claus ain't gonna save me

Shake it up, my little snow globe brain
I got enough coal to last me a thousand days
Nobody hears me, not even with pointed ears
So here's a jolly f*ck you and happy New Years

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