Dick and Jane

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Lonely London Lad

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He's a jack of all trades and a john at one
He's a man who pays to get the job done
A man scot-free of daughter wife son
A man with a twisted sense of fun

He's a slick little trick by the name of Dick
When he goes to town he lays it on thick
Droppin' the Queen all over the scene
Strip clubs hot tubs places obscene

Jane's as plain as the rain in Spain
Bumped into Dick on the five o'clock train
Before you knew it the two would do it
She almost didn't but then said screw it

A clerk and a jerk making it work
A sturgeon and a virgin in the murk
Who would guess that through this mess
Within a while would come a child?

Run Dick run Dick
Run Dick run
See Dick see Dick see Dick run

Dick's a panda bare-assed
Pulchritudinous cad
A pandering philandering
Acrimonious gad

He's a manna-munching womanizing
Sodomizing subsidizing maniac

He has paranoic tendencies
Propensities to spread disease on his back
If you get too close to him I guarantee
Your heart will have a cardiac

He's a maniac

He's a pimp with a limp
A primped up imp
A swollen head just like a Bad Year blimp

Run Dick run Dick
Run Dick run
See Dick see Dick see Dick run

But despite all he is
Despite all he does
He's still Jane's lover
And my big brother

Dick you think you are mythic
A mystic phallic pubic epic

But Dick tonight at dinner she'll slip
You a double dose of arsenic
That will serve as a physic
To extinguish your flickering wick, Dick

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