Pain 2020 (Freestyle)

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Kenja

Kenja Communication, or simply Kenja, is an Australian company co-founded in 1982 by Ken Dyers and his partner, Jan Hamilton. The word 'Kenja' is derived from the first letters of their names. There are four Kenja centres, in Sydney, Greater Western Sydney, Melbourne and Canberra. Kenja Communication runs classes, workshops and one-to-one sessions, as well as events and activities at different venues around Australia. It has gained public attention through court trials involving various members of the group, leader Ken Dyers' suicide following allegations of child sexual abuse, and the group's alleged involvement in the Cornelia Rau case. more »

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Thought these things would change 
As I got older, but murder police still
Lettin’ off on my people of beautiful color
Because of pigment 
Death creeps around every corner, 
Speaking of death, it’s crept in my thoughts lately
This year had met a pretty lady,
Talks of marriage, probably have me a baby’
But you know what happens, 
Plans change
It had me feeling
Like a game, played out, switchin’ my thoughts like Nintendo 
And now I feel death peeking through my window,
In each and every way possible that he can 
Into my sleep, I meet, and shake his hand 
Now this is a depiction of mind often 
A beautiful void of darkness
I get lost in,
Dreams of making it 
Being the next drake 
I only speak in figures 
You know, build a mansion by the lake 
Have so much bread 
Never worry bout’ being hungry again
These thoughts don’t last 
As it’s often over-run by feelings of never making it that big, damn

Can’t even spare me a moment,
Life gets difficult as it’s going,
So as a river does, I keep flowing
No matter how I feel
With intentions of securing a feeling of confidence 
Thinkin’ if God gave me his providence
Steady praying like a protestant,
Positivity darkening, I hate that my past caught up to me,
You could never get rid of it,
But never fear it 
If you did then you let it win,
So instead I face my past with open hands,
Stretched out for any that be needing help 
A voice for depression 
And love alike 
I’ll never understand your feelings of 
Wanting to fight 
I keep the peace 
And pray that He bless my enemies 
I’m just a man like you
So please, don’t put me above anything
Or any other
Only this wise because my momma’
Shout out to her working triples 
Givin’ me smiles as she goes what she went through,
Anyways back to the subject at hand 
I’m tired of being tired goddamn 
Insomnia keeps me awake
Like a hawk I’ll be watching 
Even when you think I don’t 
I see what happens behind the scenes 
But I hate it though’
Cause it’s these same things I see 
That make me question our abilities 
To come together 
To spread positivity 
I tend to think too much on any given situation 
To the point that it becomes my main occupation, 
Occupying the space in my mental, 
When you talkin’ to who you talkin’ to 
But don’t hit back at me, I be thinking,
Okay, wow I see how you move 
Plenty malice in my heart 
With intentions of only harming myself 
I slit my wrist for the feeling it gives 
I thought my vision would be clearer 
Approaching this year,
But the only thing clear,
Is the pain that never went away in here
Pain 2020,
I went from hurt, to love, to pain,
A full cycle in these two year dang
Again I get feelings of self hatred 
But I don’t hate myself 
I’m loving what I’m doing 
But good intentions get clouded 
By my anxiety 
Rapid decisions  
Make me do things 
Normally I would never have
Like smoking and drinking 
To forget my past 
Look at me, so contradicting
I guess I’ll never last 


I, I need something, I need something,
I, I need something, I need something,
Something to 
Back to life,
Will you help me
Or just stare as I go through this pain
Cycle of hatred, over and over again
I, I need something

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