SaasHoles

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Razzlekhan

Razzlekhan is like Genghis Khan, but with more pizzazz... No one knows for sure where this rapper's from — could be the North African desert, the jungles of Vietnam, or another universe. All that matters is she's here to stick up for misfits and underdogs everywhere. (We do know that she's descended from a nomadic tribe, though!) Because Razz has synesthesia, her art often resembles something in between an acid trip and a delightful nightmare. Definitely not for the faint of heart or easily offended, Razz likes to push the limits of what people are comfortable with. Her style has often been described as "sexy horror-comedy," because of her fondness for combining dark and disturbing concepts with dirty jokes and gestures. Just like her fearless entrepreneurial spirit and hacker mindset, Razz shamelessly explores new frontiers of art, pushing the limit of what's possible. Whether that leads to something wonderful or terrible is unclear; the only thing that's certain is it won't be boring or mediocre. As we know from her lyrics in "Versace Bedouin," Razz is not just a rapper. She is also a software CEO, a writer, an economist, and a few contradictory other things (listen to find out). While Razz has many rappers that she is inspired by, including South African rap duo Die Antwoord, Tierra Whack, and rapper Mickey Avalon, she also finds great inspiration of the creative works of Salvador Dali, Diane Arbus, Hunter S Thompson, Roald Dahl, and Charles Bukowsky.

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Year:

2019

94 Views

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I’m sick and tired of all these SaaSHoles
Fake motherfuckers, just about growth
There ain't nothing wrong with monetizing shit
But a hockey stick won’t fix a tiny dick

Worst part of all
Dumbest motherfuckers playing know-it-all
Whoring it up on social media
They’d sell their kidney for uh Wikipedia

(I guess B2B really stands for Bullshit 2 Bullshit)

Doing fake work to pass the time
Going to conferences, pretending to grind
Strung out on addies, crackhead; toothless
Jacking off ta booth babes; their dick’s useless

Scooters, Scooters
Riding around with them Apple computers
Need another big valuation to get more suitors
Getting chased by dickhead recruiters

Telecommuters
Gentrifying the city, like real uprooters
Laptop bag’s got an iPad and other minicomputers
But they got real cool Scooters
Scooters, Scooters, Scooters

(Are you into chastity? I'm not a stalker by the way)

SaaSHoles, the real assholes
I’m not talking 'bout no billionaire CEOs
This song is for all you wantrepreneurs
And other tech losers (F***ing losers!)

Talkin bout employee count instead of burn rate
Buy a lot of hoodies trying to compensate
Just pour your retirement money down the drain
No SaaSHole’s ever gonna make that VC money rain

(Wait: how can 30,000 people all be 30 under 30? Uhhhh)

Propping up decks with fake stats
Trying to collect all them crypto cats
Too ratchet for the Capital One Cafe
Wait, Soylent isn’t gourmet?

(I didn’t know MRR stood for Madeup Realistic Regalia?!)

SaasHoles!
Dance for VC money, Like a stripper working them poles
SaasHoles!
Vanity metrics matching their unrealistic goals
SaasHoles!
Avoid those cougars down at the Rosewood glory holes
SaasHoles!
They’ll eat your money like black holes, black holes, black holes, black holes
SaasHoles!
And Don’t forget to feed the trolls! You don't know where your money goes
SaasHoles!
They’re just f***in assholes! Mother f***ing, f***ing SaasHoles

(I have a pindick, but I really like you)

SaaSHoles, the real assholes:
This is what happens when yah give millions to average joes

(Are you guys seriously out of Jersey Giants? Give me the Dorkins)

Buying designer chickens like Pharaohs
Working in a basement with no windows
Oh no, another Noisebridge overdose!
Too much heroin: he went comatose!
(Wake up bro! Wake up!)

Liz used to generate big cash flows
Big hockey stick on all her slideshows
...but THEN: her company implodes
(Wait, are you talking about Theranos?)
Well there grandpa’s retirement goes
That blood money really shows
Now grandpa has to work at Lowe’s

SaasHoles!
Scooters, Scooters
Riding around with them Apple computers
Need another big valuation (SaasHoles!) to get more suitors
Getting chased by dickhead recruiters
SaasHoles!
Telecommuters
Gentrifying the city, like real uprooters
Laptop bag’s got an iPad (SaasHoles!) and other minicomputers
(SaasHoles!)
But they got real cool Scooters
Scooters, Scooters
SaasHoles!

(Please disregard any emails from me in the past 12 hours. My email was hacked)

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