Song parody of
All I Ever Wanted to be was Cool
by Larry O'Neal
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From the first day of first grade to the last day of school
All I ever wanted to be was cool
From the time I was teething, drowning in my own drool
All I ever wanted to be was cool
Didn’t want to be any doctor
A fireman or a jack of all trades
Didn’t want to be an attorney
I just wanna make a musical racket
Don’t give a shit about my tax bracket
So hand me down my black leather jacket and some shades
From the time I first floundered out of the gene pool
All I ever wanted to be was cool
Since Elvis shook his pelvis and sang “Don’t Be Cruel”
Well, all I ever wanted to be was cool
Didn’t want to be an apprentice
Or film star signing autographs
Didn’t want to build tall skyscrapers
I just wanna scare pose a threat to big cities
Cause panic at neighborhood committees
Strike fear in all the Bible Camp kiddies making crafts
‘Cause all I ever wanted
Was to feel brave and undaunted
By the things the tough kids flaunted ‘round trade school
Be so nice not to be taunted
Have my nightly nightmares haunted
Because all I ever wanted was to just…be…cool
From the first tiny atom of the first molecule
All I ever wanted to be was cool
From the first time they made me learn the Golden Rule
All I ever wanted to be was cool
Didn’t want to follow no shepherds
The black sheep of my family
Didn’t want to be in the Boy Scouts
I just wanna be the last one standing
Walk away from a fiery crash landing
When the universe is done expanding endlessly
‘Cause all I ever wanted
Was to feel brave and undaunted
By the things the tough kids flaunted ‘round trade school
Be so nice not to be taunted
Have my nightly nightmares haunted
Because all I ever wanted was to just…be…cool
From the first day of first grade to the last day of school
All I ever wanted to be was cool
From the time I was teething, drowning in my own drool
All I ever wanted to be was cool
Didn’t want to be any doctor
A fireman or a jack of all trades
Didn’t want to be an attorney
I just wanna make a musical racket
Don’t give a shit about my tax bracket
So hand me down my black leather jacket and some shades
From the time I first floundered out of the gene pool
All I ever wanted to be was cool
Since Elvis shook his pelvis and sang “Don’t Be Cruel”
Well, all I ever wanted to be was cool
Didn’t want to be an apprentice
Or film star signing autographs
Didn’t want to build tall skyscrapers
I just wanna scare pose a threat to big cities
Cause panic at neighborhood committees
Strike fear in all the Bible Camp kiddies making crafts
‘Cause all I ever wanted
Was to feel brave and undaunted
By the things the tough kids flaunted ‘round trade school
Be so nice not to be taunted
Have my nightly nightmares haunted
Because all I ever wanted was to just…be…cool
From the first tiny atom of the first molecule
All I ever wanted to be was cool
From the first time they made me learn the Golden Rule
All I ever wanted to be was cool
Didn’t want to follow no shepherds
The black sheep of my family
Didn’t want to be in the Boy Scouts
I just wanna be the last one standing
Walk away from a fiery crash landing
When the universe is done expanding endlessly
‘Cause all I ever wanted
Was to feel brave and undaunted
By the things the tough kids flaunted ‘round trade school
Be so nice not to be taunted
Have my nightly nightmares haunted
Because all I ever wanted was to just…be…cool
