Song parody of
The Thing About Things
by Amanda Palmer
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I’ve loaned a lot of things to a lot of friends
Like dresses and records and books
And some of the time I never see them again
And in a weird way i think that it works
Because the thing about things is they start turning evil
When you start to forget what they’re for
And so if you’re not sure what you did with my sweater
I’ll just try to love you a little bit more
I had a ring it belonged to my grandfather
He was a mason, and gay
And he was distant and bitter for all of my childhood
And we never had much to say
He wasn’t the type to give tokens of affection
And so I stole the ring when he died
And twenty years on when I lost it at a bar
I thought, that’s fine
I didn't want him in my life
The thing about things is that they can start meaning things
Nobody actually said
And if he couldn’t make something mean something for me
I had to make up what it meant
I can carry everything I need in one collapsing suitcase
I can carry everyone I love in one phone application
Built to optimize the Facetime with the friends i’m bent on making
Actually I want to be alone
To mourn the loss of what this cost
I collected you but now you are all lost
I think it’s a poem and I think it keeps going
I’ve borrowed and lost lots of things
3 nights ago in the bar where I lost it
A bartender gave me the ring
And I lie in bed
With my phone in my hand
Thinking
What can I fix with this app
And I call my grandfather
And he doesn’t answer
And I have to make peace with that fact
[Chorus x2]
Because the thing about things
Is that they can start meaning things nobody actually said
And if you’re not allowed to love people alive
Then you learn how to love people dead
I’ve loaned a lot of things to a lot of friends
Like dresses and records and books
And some of the time I never see them again
And in a weird way i think that it works
Because the thing about things is they start turning evil
When you start to forget what they’re for
And so if you’re not sure what you did with my sweater
I’ll just try to love you a little bit more
I had a ring it belonged to my grandfather
He was a mason, and gay
And he was distant and bitter for all of my childhood
And we never had much to say
He wasn’t the type to give tokens of affection
And so I stole the ring when he died
And twenty years on when I lost it at a bar
I thought, that’s fine
I didn't want him in my life
The thing about things is that they can start meaning things
Nobody actually said
And if he couldn’t make something mean something for me
I had to make up what it meant
I can carry everything I need in one collapsing suitcase
I can carry everyone I love in one phone application
Built to optimize the Facetime with the friends i’m bent on making
Actually I want to be alone
To mourn the loss of what this cost
I collected you but now you are all lost
I think it’s a poem and I think it keeps going
I’ve borrowed and lost lots of things
3 nights ago in the bar where I lost it
A bartender gave me the ring
And I lie in bed
With my phone in my hand
Thinking
What can I fix with this app
And I call my grandfather
And he doesn’t answer
And I have to make peace with that fact
[Chorus x2]
Because the thing about things
Is that they can start meaning things nobody actually said
And if you’re not allowed to love people alive
Then you learn how to love people dead
