Song parody of

If I Had

by Eminem

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Life By Marshal Mathers What is life? Life is like a big obstacle In front of your optical to slow you down And every time you think you gotten past it It's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground What are friends? Friends are people that you think are your friends But they really your enemies, with secret identities And disguises, to hide they true colors So just when you think you close enough to be brothers They want to come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin' What is money? Money is what makes a man act funny Money is the root of all evil Money'll make them same friends come back around Swearing that they was always down What is life? I'm tired of life I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins I'm tired of committing so many sins Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins Tired of never having any ends Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and many things I'm tired of this DJ playing your shit when he spins Tired of not having a deal Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel Tired of drowning in my sorrow Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin' off I'm tired of jobs startin' off at five fifty an hour Then this boss wonders why I'm smartin' off Tired of being fired every time I fart and cough Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk For this jerk breathing down my neck driving me berserk I'm tired of using plastic silverware Tired of working in Building Square Tired of not being a millionaire But if I had a million dollars I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick Without a condom on, While I'm on the john If I had a million bucks It wouldn't be enough, Because I'd still be out Robbing armored trucks If I had one wish I would ask for a big enough ass For the whole world to kiss I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store I'm tired of not having a phone Tired of not having a home To have one in if I did have it on Tired of not driving a B-M Tired of not working at G-M, tired of wanting to be him Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol P-M Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum Tired of not being on tour Tired of fucking the same blond whore After work in the back of a Contour I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns Tired of being stared at I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin' half the skill as me Saying they wasn't feeling me when nobody's as ill as me I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs Tired of J-L-be saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives" But if I had a million dollars I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick Without a condom on, while I'm on the john If I had a million bucks It wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out Robbing armored trucks If I had one wish I would ask for a big enough ass For the whole world to kiss You know what I'm saying? I'm tired of all of this bullshit Telling me to be positive How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive? Know what I'm sayin'? I rap about shit around me, shit I see Know what I'm sayin'? Right now I'm tired of everything Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin'? But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin'? Just fed up That's my word

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If I Had

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"I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her ____________"
A was like crabstick
B berry chapstick
C felt like plastic
D cherry chapstick

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