Song parody of
Bag Salad
by Joshua Tell
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Well... ohh
Dang it, gosh darn, it's gonna be a bag salad
American, United, and that Delta flight from Siam
They're mixing 'em like veggies since they finished up a-flying
And if my bag it pops out like a
Ripe to
Mater... how I'll hail him there with weary hungered eyes
Just waiting, salivating for the juice he's got inside
Then I'll pluck my plump red little bump
Right off that moving vine
And I'll plop him down into my luggage cart
But the lady here beside me wants a cucumber, she says
Some kind of oblong rounded thing that's green instead of red
And she's praying and she's hoping that it hasn't pickled yet
'Cause she relishes her suitcase when it's fresh
And.. dang it, gosh darn, it's gonna be a bag salad
American, United, and that Delta flight from Siam
They're mixing 'em like veggies since they finished up a-flying
And if my second bag it pops out like a
Turnip.. I'll await him there with whetted appetite
To find out if his turned up nose has made it through the flight
Then I'll grab him by the sprout and maybe take a little bite
Then I'll plop him down right to my to-ma-to
(Or as they say in England to-mah-to)
But I'm wondering where's the lettuce now, the thought creeps in my mind
The king of all the leafy greens, his nutrients divine
Then I see a flat and ruffled green bag coming down the line
But then an army man says 'no sir, that one's mine!'
So I argue for a minute, saying 'listen, if you will
We're trying to make a salad here and need the lettuce still'
But then he tells me 'I'm a real man, boy, I eat steak from the grill
And this here bag's to feed a cow before I kill... him
Ohh, but.. dang it, gosh darn, it's gonna be a bag salad
American, United, and that Delta flight from Siam
They're mixing 'em like veggies since they finished up a-flying
And if there ain't no lettuce, guess I'll settle... for some
Cabbage, 'cause goddammit must be someone to convince
To give this salad what it needs, a cruciferous prince
Then I see a purple head of baggage, all but set to rinse
And so I beg its owner 'please don't be a grinch'
But this guy's a long haired hippie with his ball of blanket wraps
And I can tell he digs his veggies, sure as maple trees give sap
And he says 'why not, man, I love salad as a post-flight snack
And if you like I've even got some sugar snap peas
Then as we're setting off to go and toss the salad
Mr. customs agent steps in with a grin
Saying 'here's a ticket now to where the best tomatoes grow
Repack those bags- you're going to Guantanomo'
Well... ohh
Dang it, gosh darn, it's gonna be a bag salad
American, United, and that Delta flight from Siam
They're mixing 'em like veggies since they finished up a-flying
And if my bag it pops out like a
Ripe to
Mater... how I'll hail him there with weary hungered eyes
Just waiting, salivating for the juice he's got inside
Then I'll pluck my plump red little bump
Right off that moving vine
And I'll plop him down into my luggage cart
But the lady here beside me wants a cucumber, she says
Some kind of oblong rounded thing that's green instead of red
And she's praying and she's hoping that it hasn't pickled yet
'Cause she relishes her suitcase when it's fresh
And.. dang it, gosh darn, it's gonna be a bag salad
American, United, and that Delta flight from Siam
They're mixing 'em like veggies since they finished up a-flying
And if my second bag it pops out like a
Turnip.. I'll await him there with whetted appetite
To find out if his turned up nose has made it through the flight
Then I'll grab him by the sprout and maybe take a little bite
Then I'll plop him down right to my to-ma-to
(Or as they say in England to-mah-to)
But I'm wondering where's the lettuce now, the thought creeps in my mind
The king of all the leafy greens, his nutrients divine
Then I see a flat and ruffled green bag coming down the line
But then an army man says 'no sir, that one's mine!'
So I argue for a minute, saying 'listen, if you will
We're trying to make a salad here and need the lettuce still'
But then he tells me 'I'm a real man, boy, I eat steak from the grill
And this here bag's to feed a cow before I kill... him
Ohh, but.. dang it, gosh darn, it's gonna be a bag salad
American, United, and that Delta flight from Siam
They're mixing 'em like veggies since they finished up a-flying
And if there ain't no lettuce, guess I'll settle... for some
Cabbage, 'cause goddammit must be someone to convince
To give this salad what it needs, a cruciferous prince
Then I see a purple head of baggage, all but set to rinse
And so I beg its owner 'please don't be a grinch'
But this guy's a long haired hippie with his ball of blanket wraps
And I can tell he digs his veggies, sure as maple trees give sap
And he says 'why not, man, I love salad as a post-flight snack
And if you like I've even got some sugar snap peas
Then as we're setting off to go and toss the salad
Mr. customs agent steps in with a grin
Saying 'here's a ticket now to where the best tomatoes grow
Repack those bags- you're going to Guantanomo'
