Song parody of

Why Must the Show Go On

by Noël Coward

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Verse 1 The world for some years Has been sodden with tears On behalf of the Acting profession, Each star playing a part Seems to expect the 'Purple Heart', It's unorthodox To be born in a box But it needn't become an obsession, Let's hope we have no worse to plague us Than two shows a night at Las Vegas. When I think of physicians And mathematicians Who don't earn a quarter the dough, When I look at the faces Of people in Macy's There's one thing I'm burning to know: Refrain 1 Why must the show go on? It can't be all that indispensable, To me it really isn't sensible On the whole To play a leading role While fighting those tears you can't control, Why kick up your legs When draining the dregs Of sorrow's bitter cup? Because you have read Some idiot has said, 'The Curtain must go up'! I'd like to know why a star takes bows Having just returned from burying her spouse. Brave boop-a-doopers, Go home and dry your tears, Gallant old troupers, You've bored us all for years And when you're so blue, Wet through And thoroughly woe-begone, Why must the show go on? Oh Mammy! Why must the show go on? Verse 2 We're asked to condole With each tremulous soul Who steps out to be loudly applauded, Stars on opening nights Sob when they see their names in lights, Though people who act As a matter of fact Are financially amply rewarded, It seems, while pursuing their calling, Their suffering's simply appalling! But butchers and bakers And candlestick makers Get little applause for their pains And when I think of miners And waiters in 'Diners' One query for ever remains: Refrain 2 Why must the show go on? The rule is surely not immutable, It might be wiser and more suitable Just to close If you are in the throes Of personal grief and private woes. Why stifle a sob While doing your job When, if you use your head, You'd go out and grab A comfortable cab And go right home to bed? Because you're not giving us much fun, This 'Laugh Clown Laugh' routine's been overdone, Hats off to Show Folks For smiling when they're blue But more comme-il-faut folks Are sick of smiling through, And if you're out cold, Too old And most of your teeth have gone, Why must the show go on? I sometimes wonder Why must the show go on? Refrain 3 Why must the show go on? Why not announce the closing night of it? The public seem to hate the sight of it, Dear, and so Why you should undergo This terrible strain we'll never know. We know that you're sad, We know that you've had A lot of storm and strife But is it quite fair To ask us to share Your dreary private life? We know you're trapped in a gilded cage But for Heaven's sake relax and be your age, Stop being gallant And don't be such a bore, Pack up your talent, There's always plenty more And if you lose hope Take dope And lock yourself in the John Why must the show go on? I'm merely asking Why must the show go on?

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Why Must the Show Go On

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